Love Bites
by PenelopeR
Summary: Ruth and Jay first meet with twists and turns, love and tears, will Ruth get her happy family
1. Chapter 1

It was the coldest of cold nights on a frosty December night when Ruth hopped off the bus opposite Holby General Hospital for her first shift as an F2, when she bumped into someone. "Watch it," she snapped as she dropped her notepad and pens on the floor. "Sorry love," he said as he bent down and tried to help her. "It's alright, I don't need help I can do it," Ruth said as she started to put them back in her bad in an order. "Feisty ain't you?" he said laughing as he walked off towards the hospital.

"Jay about time," Noel said as he looked at him laughing, "Tess is on the warpath." Jay rolled his eyes. "When isn't she on the warpath," Jay said sighing, "Stupid car broke down this morning, and then I bumped into this girl..." "Oh aye," Lenny said laughing, "I bet you did, bump and grind did we?" Jay laughed. "No getting off the bus you idiot, everything is sex isn't it with you?" Jay asked laughing as he looked at him. "Jay, thank you for gracing us with your presence this morning, when you're quite finished discussing your sex life, there's a patient waiting for you in cubicle four," Tess said looking at him sternly. "Yes Tess, sorry Tess," Jay said as he looked at her and smiled as he walked off towards cubicle four as Noel and Lenny looked at each other burst into laughter.

"Why do I have to look after the F2's" Zoe said as she walked in with a cup of coffee and smelling of cigarettes like she did every morning. "Because I trust you and Adam will do the best job," Nick said as he laughed at her. "You know I hate babying people," Zoe said seriously, "I mean following people around isn't my style." Nick laughed. "They aren't babies, there grownups Zoe, besides you were one once," Nick said laughing. "An F2 or a baby?" Zoe said looking at him. "Both," he said as he walked into his office laughing. "Sooner Maggie gets back from her honeymoon the better," Zoe muttered under her breath as she walked towards reception.

"So your mentor's will be Dr Hanna & Dr Trueman," Nick said as he led the new F2's round the hospital. "Won't you be mentoring us too?" Ruth asked as she scribbled down notes as fast as she could walk and write. "Not today Miss Winters, but Dr Hanna & Dr Trueman are one of the best drs in the hospital, you will learn a lot from them," Nick said smiling at her, "Tess, these are our F2's this is our senior nurse along with Charlie. "Hello," Tess said smiling at them as Jay came out the cubicle and winked at Ruth. Ruth looked away furiously. "You know him?" Toby asked as he looked at Ruth out of the corner of his eye. "No," Ruth said as she frowned at him. "So shall we begin?" Nick asked as he saw Zoe come out of the staff room. "Ready Dr Hanna?" Nick asked as he smiled smugly at her. "Oh yes Dr Jordan," Zoe said sarcastically.

"Do you have to ask so many questions?" Toby asked Ruth as Zoe explained what she was doing to do a patient. "What? I am trying to learn Toby, you don't learn things by not asking questions," Ruth said to him as she carried on writing notes. "But you know this Ruth," Toby said seriously looking at her. "Yeah well I am making sure, so shut up will you," Ruth said as she looked at him furiously. "Jay can you get onto surgery please for me," Zoe said as she looked at Jay smiling. "Coming up Dr Hanna," Jay said as he walked out whistling as he winked at her. Ruth rolled her eyes at him. "Moron," she whispered as she looked at the stat machine and took notes. "Don't worry about Jay, he just likes a flirt," Zoe said as she looked at her. "Yeah well he can flirt elsewhere," Ruth said seriously as she looked at Zoe. She smiled at her. "Girl's say that at first about our Jay but they soon give in," Zoe said laughing. "Not this girl," Ruth said seriously. Zoe nodded her head. "So this afternoon will we be able to treat some people?" Toby asked as he looked at Zoe. "Yep that's what doctors do," Zoe said as she looked at him. "How we getting on here," Nick said as he waltzed in. "Just great," Zoe said doing her fake smile at him.

"See the girl with the red hair," Jay said as stood by reception with Lenny and Noel. "Yeah," they say in unison as Big Mac joins them. "That's the girl I bumped into this morning," Jay said smiling. "The bump and grind on the bus," Lenny said laughing. Jay laughed. "I haven't given her the prince charming treatment yet, but I will," Jay said laughing. "In your dreams," Zoe said laughing as she grabbed another coffee from the machine, "she thinks you're a moron." Lenny and Noel burst out laughing. "I bet you £50 pounds she will be putty in my hands by the end of the week," Jay said laughing as he looked at them. "You're on," Lenny said as he walked off laughing. "Easiest 50 quid I will make," Zoe said as she walked off, "if Nick asks I am doing something important." With that she walks off waving a box of cigarettes at them.

"The lovebirds are back," Zoe said as she hid her cigarettes behind her back as Charlie and Maggie walked into A&E. "Not going out for a crafty fag were you?" Maggie asked as she looked at her seriously. "Me of course not," Zoe said as she smiled at her cheekily, "how was the honeymoon?" Charlie rolled his eyes. "You know this one, wouldn't relax for a second," Charlie said as he hugged Tess. "Get in there Charlie boy," Jay said laughing. "So the F2's?" Maggie asked Zoe as she walked back into recess. "So glad your back, you know I hate babysitting," Zoe said sighing, "I swear Nick does it on purpose." Maggie laughed loudly. "I think he likes you," Maggie said as she picked up some notes. "Oh please, Nick Jordan only likes himself," Zoe said as she threw her coffee in the bin.


	2. Chapter 2

"You need to give people a chance Ruth," Toby said as he handed her a coffee in there accomedation. "I don't have to do anything," Ruth snapped back at him, "I want to be a doctor not a gossiper," Ruth said seriously as she looked at him seriously. "You can still be a doctor and have a life you know, have you even had tea?" Toby asked as he took her book away from her. "Toby, I am not your kid sister anymore, I can look after myself perfectly well thank you," Ruth said as she snatched it back. "You need to eat," Toby said worringly at her. "I need to study without you going on in my ear," Ruth said as she looked at him, "now do you mind I am studying." With that Ruth slammed her bedroom door shut in his face. "Women," Toby whispered as he sighed as he walked down the stairs.

"You ready for our night out," Jay said rubbing his hands as Lenny, Big Mac and Noel walked in. "Of course," Lenny said laughing, "seeing you make an idiot out of yourself with your stupid chat up lines." Jay looked at him and laughed. "Your just jealous that girls find me irristable and you an annoying twirp," Jay said laughing. "Yeah and Ruth really found you irristable today didn't she," Noel said laughing. "Trust me Ruth will be putty in my hands after a few days working with me," Jay said smiling. "Your still not going on about that are you, Jay she ain't intrested, she thinks your a pillock," Zoe said smiling at them, "now who wants a drink, first round on me."

"Maggie go home to Charlie," Nick said as he walked in there office there shared and looked at her. "Nick I need to catch up on some work I have missed," Maggie said seriously, "need to sort out the F2's and what they are going to do tomorrow, the shift patterns." Nick looked at her and laughed. "The F2s will sort themselves out, today we managed just fine, go home to Charlie have a nice bottle of wine and enjoy the romance while it lasts," Nick said jokingly. "Oh cheers," Maggie said laughing, "Fine, fine I'm going, but if work is chaos tomorrow its your fault, before I go Zoe." Nick looked at her and smiled. "Zoe is obsternate, caffine and necatine addicted doctor but bloody good at her job, why you ask?" Nick asked as he looked at her. "No reason," she smiled as she walked out.

"Ruth I'm heading out," Toby said as walked in her room with his coat on. "Hmmm," Ruth said as she had her head in her books practically ignoring him. "I'm off out," Toby said again sighing. "Yeah, have fun," Ruth said not very intreseted. "Whatever," Toby said as he stormed out. Ruth flung her pen down on the table and looked around. "Stupid stupid brain," she shouted at herself, "why won't you go in." She took her glass of water and a pill and picked up her book again and her pen. "Try harder Ruth," she whispered as she settled down for the night.

"Toby man," Lenny said as they spotted him walk in the pub, "come and join the mad world of our Saturday nights at the pub, where we bitch about the patients, nurses and doctors that aren't here." Toby looked at him bemused. "I'm joking," Lenny said laughing, "beer?" Toby nodded. "Cheers," Toby said as he sat down. "So Ruth isn't here," Jay said as he looked around. "No, she's studying," Toby said laughing, "she never goes out." Jay looked at him. "I'm sure she does, probably did what I did, sneak out the bedroom window when the parents were asleep, oh yeah!" Zoe said laughing. "No trust me she doesn't, see my sister isn't really the going out type shall we say," Toby said quietly. "Your sister!" Jay exclaimed, "wow I didn't know." Toby laughed. Zoe laughed. "Our Jay has a soft spot for your sister," Zoe said as she took her fag packet out of her bag and looked at him. "Sorry mate, you'll have no chance," Toby said seriously. Jay laughed. "Mate your sister doesn't know the Jaymaster," Jay said seriously. "We all think he is an idiot don't worry," Zoe said laughing as she walked out, "only second to Nick Jordan."


	3. Chapter 3

"Ruth will be asleep," Toby said as he looked at Jay, Lenny and Noel as he let them in there flat. "What the night is still young," Jay said laughing as he looked at him. "Ruth, isn't like that, not since... it doesn't matter," Toby said as he walked in. "Come on Ruth, you can do this," Ruth muttered to herself as she sat on the couch piled high with books. "Ruth its like one in the morning," Toby said as he looked at her, "your exhausted go to bed." Ruth turned her head and looked at them. "We have company I see," Ruth said as Jay grinned at her like a Cheshire cat. "I can bring friends around can't I?" Toby asked looking at her. "Did I say you can't, just don't make too much noise I am trying to work, and you stink of booze." Ruth stormed off the couch and slammed her door shut.

"I see what you mean, post it notes over drive, she is like OCD on studying," Jay said as he picked up a book. "My sister needs help," Toby said as he looked out the window, "I don't know whats wrong with her, I remember my sister being fun and running around and happy and then it changed." Jay read the book and saw a post it note with the words 'why me mum?" Jay looked at Toby and nodded. "Messed up she seems to me," Lenny said as he looked around, "who doesn't like going out?" Jay looked at Noel and Lenny. "Guys you can go I'm going to stay for a while," Jay said as he put the note in his pocket without anyone seeing. "Oh eye," Lenny said winking. "Tell us tomorrow mate," Noel said laughing.

Ruth sat in her room on the laptop as she googled everything medical she could think off. "For God's sake," Ruth said as she looked at the screen, "why won't you go in my head, I should know this, I should know about dislocations of the shoulder." Jay walked in with a coffee and looked at her. "What you want," Ruth said as she looked up at him, "Aren't you a bit old for sleep overs?" Jay looked at her and laughed. "Look you want the coffee or what?" Jay said smiling at her, "I took a guess but its white with one sugar?" Ruth took it and gulped it down. "Yeah right, Toby told you I bet," Ruth said as she moved the laptop to the side. "I was right," Jay said as he did a little victory dance and he sat down on the bed, "now if you need to know about dislocations I am your man." Ruth looked at him. "I know it," Ruth said seriously, "I do it just... never mind." Jay looked at her. "practice," Jay said seriously, "you just need practice and I am your guy."

"If thats a chat up line," Ruth said looking at him through slitted lines. Jay laughed and shook his head. "Look we got off on the wrong foot, I don't want to get your knickers OK, I am here to help you, so trust me that wasn't a chat up line OK, what I meant was what I said, I want to help you." Ruth looked at him. "Good, so how can you help me?" Ruth said looking at him. Jay popped his shoulder out for her. "Dr Winters I think I may have popped my shoulder out, can you possibly help me?" Jay said looking at her. "Jay what are you doing?" Ruth said seriously and panicking. "Don't worry I am double jointed you can pop back in all my bones in time," Jay winked at her, "so what do you first." For the first time in her life Ruth did a genuine smile at someone.


	4. Chapter 4

"So Dr Winters whats the first thing you do?" Jay asked as he laid down on the bed and looked at her. "Well Mr Faldren, there is nothing to worry about, all you have done is dislocated your shoulder, which we will just pop back in for you," Ruth said as she sat on the end of the bed. "Thank you very much Dr Winters," Jay said smiling at her. "If you'd like to keep still," Ruth said as she kneeled on her bed and grabbed his arm and popped his shoulder bone in the socket. "OUCH!" Jay screamed and looked at her, "man no need to be so rough you know," Jay said as he rubbeed it slowly. "You wanted it put back in didn't you?" Ruth said as she popped a paracetomol in her mouth and drank her coffee. "Bed side mannor needs working on Mrs Winters," Jay said as he sat up rubbing his arms.

"I am here to help people get better not give them tea and sympothy," Ruth said as she paced up and down the room nervously. "No your here to give them a service," Jay said as he stood up, "your a doctor but your a person too." Ruth looked at him. "I let you go back to my brother for your sleep over," Ruth said as she stood at the door, "I'll get you a sleeping bag." Toby looked at them and smiled.

Ruth got out the sleeping bag one Barbie and one Action Man from when her and Toby were kids. "Barbie eh? I didn't have you as a Barbie girl Ruth," Jay said smiling as he picked up a teddy that fell from inside it. "I was about 5," Ruth said as she took the Teddy from him and looked at it for a few seconds and then threw it in the bin as she walked into her room and slammed the door shut. Jay looked at her and then at the teddy and got it out the bin. "Dont worry about her," Toby said sighing as he looked at her, "she hasn't been herself for a long while."

Jay handed him a tea and looked at him. "Mate, I ain't Lenny and Noel, its ok for guys to open up and talk," Jay said as he looked at him. "Our mum walked out on us when we were young," Toby said as he looked at Jay. "Oh mate, I am so sorry," Jay said as he looked at Toby. "Ruth took it hard, a girl needs a mum, she hates everything about her now, Teddy and all," Toby said as he sighed. "Understandable," Jay said as he shook his head, "how old was she and you for that matter?" Toby looked around. "I was about 7 and she was about 5," Toby said sighing, "dad went to pot, turned into an alcholic and couldn't look after us, it was down to Ruth and I, and I was a boy and you know,Ruth looked after me and him, I wanted to hang with my mates and just you know, Ruth was left looking after dad and me," Toby sighed. Jay looked and nodded. "It's not your fault mate, your mum shouldn't of left you both," Jay said annoyed.

"She got all cold then, she just went all out to be a doctor and nothing is going to stand in her way, nothing," Toby said sadly, "she stopped being my fun loving sister and turned into a heartless bitch." Jay looked at him. "She isn't heartless I am sure, look I can help you OK," Jay said seriously. "Jay, it isn't going to work, she isn't going to go for you," Toby said laughing. "Mate, I like your sister I admit, I love the way shes fiery and just so determined but I ain't going to use her to get into her bed,I ain't that kind of bloke," Jay said laughing, "I want to help because I like you as a mate and Ruth." Toby nodded. "Barbie or Action Man?" Toby asked laughing. "I'm a barbie girl in a barbie world, life is plastic, its fantastic," Jay started to sing as he took the sleeping bag.

Ruth sat in her room writing notes furiously on the laptop as her eyes started to feel heavy from sleep as her eyes and head started to drop and her lead landed on the laptop keys.


	5. Chapter 5

"Morning," Jay said as he looked at Ruth who was drinking coffee over her laptop while still studying. "Morning," Ruth said as she looked at him and smiled at him. "Don't you ever stop working Dr Winters?" Jay asked as he sat down. "No to succeed in life, you need to work hard," Ruth said as she looked at him. "Yes but you need to have time for yourself," Jay said seriously, "go out with your mates, your family." Ruth laughed. "Only person you can rely on is yourself Jay, trust me," with that Ruth walked out the flat.

"Good morning Dr Winters your nice and early this morning," Nick said as Ruth walked in to the staff room to get ready. "Yes Mr Jordan, its good to be early and Im raring to go," Ruth said smiling as she looked at him. "Good morning," Maggie said as she walked in with Charlie. "Good morning Maggie, Ruth this is Dr Caldwell or is it Dr Fairhead?" Nick asked laughing as he saw Maggie kissing Charlie goodbye. Ruth looked at her and turned her nose up at the scene. "Dr Fairhead," Maggie said laughing, "you must be Ruth, nice to meet you, today I have put you on duty with Nurse Faldren today, and Toby your with Tess today." Toby smiled at her.

"Jay," Lenny said as he saw him enter, "so how was she? Cold in bed as she is in real life?" Noel laughed. "Knock you back, there's no bruises though, so did you thaw her?" Jay looked at them. "Mates, come on have a bit respect you know," Jay said seriously, "no I didn't sleep with her." Lenny looked at his watch. "Time's ticking Jay boy," Lenny said as he walked off laughing. "So going to be the easiest 50 quid I earn," Noel said laughing as he high fived Lenny. "Still ain't done it then,"Zoe said laughing, "I warned him."

"Good morning Jay," Maggie said smiling at him, "I have a special job for you today." Jay smiled at her. "Oh ey whats that Maggie?" Jay said cheekily, "What's Charlie boy done now?" Maggie laughed. "Don't be cheeky, no I want you to look after some F2's today and your going to be with Ruth today if thats OK?" Jay laughed and smiled at Ruth. "Maggie it will be my pleasure," Jay said as he smiled at Ruth. "Your Nurse Faldren?" Ruth asked groaning. "The one and only Dr Winters," Jay said smiling at her. Jay winked at Toby as Toby laughed as they left with Ruth tuttering under her breath.

"Come on Ruth, smile it won't killl ya," Jay said as he smiled at her, "besides at you know me eh? And I am better than some of the others you could be with, you could be with Lenny." Ruth looked at him unimpressed at him. "We going to work today or what?" Ruth asked as she looked at him hands on her hips. "Working with Dr Winters I see," Lenny said as he walked over to them, "pre arrange it did you Jay?" Jay frowned at him. "Oh shut up mate,your just jealous that I have a hot girl and your stuck with Nick and Zoe," Jay said laughing. "So I ain't hot am I Jay," Zoe said as she walked up to them laughing.

"Maggie can I have a word please?" Ruth asked as she saw Maggie walk past with Charlie. "Of course Ruth, whats the matter?" Maggie asked as she smiled at her. "Could I possibly work with you today? Its just I don't think Jay I mean Nurse Faldren and I will get on," Ruth said as she looked at her. "Has he upset you Ruth? You didn't see keen this morning on working with him," Maggie said seriously, "Jay is a good nurse he will help you, he is just overly friendly, give it until lunch and if your still not happy you can come round with me," Maggie said as she smiled. Ruth nodded her head as Jay walked up. "Ready Dr Winters, we have our first patient," Jay said smiling at her. "You ready to work now are you now you've finished flirting with the Drs," Ruth said dryly as she followed him.

"And what were you worrying about last night?" Jay asked as he looked at Ruth eating her lunch after a busy morning shift. "I wasn't worrying," Ruth said seriously. "Ruth you need to rest," Jay said as hehanded her a coffee. "I don't need anything or anyone," Ruth said seriously. "Everyone needs someone Ruth," Jay said seriously as he looked at her. "Not me," Ruth said seriously, "me and Toby have been getting on fine with just us two, I don't want to be anyones friend, girlfriend or anything, I am here to work," Ruth said seriously, "if you can't deal with that then that's your problem, but that's me." Jay looked at her. Jay stood up and looked at her. "You are the most frustating, annoying, rudest person I have ever met, treated or worked with in my life," Jay said as he looked at her annoyed, "if your not careful your not going to make it as a dr, not through your work being bad, but your attitude will let you down, your mum left you, your dad is an alcholohic I am sorry about that, but you can't go through life blaming other people for other people's mistakes, its not there fault."

"Don't you dare talk about my family, you don't know anything about me, or my family OK," Ruth said furiously, "Toby had no right to tell you about my family, no right." Jay looked at her and sighed. "You made as a nurse, and what do you do?" Ruth said angrily at him, "all you do is flirt with people, talk about your sex life, whats that got to do with nursing eh? You think the patient's want to hear about that? Well I don't," Ruth said as she looked at him fury in her eyes. "What nurses and Drs can't have a laugh," Jay hit back, "its called having a life, maybe you should try it some day, stop being such a nut case and go out its not hard, you open the door and you go out," Jay said seriously. Ruth went to slap him and Jay grabbed her hand gently and stopped her as he moved closer to her and kissed her slowly.

Ruth put her arms around and kissed him deeper as she wrapped her legs around him, Jay groaned inside her mouth as he pushed her to the wall and kissed her passionately.


	6. Chapter 6

Ruth looked at Jay as she put her uniform on. "That shouldn't of happened," Ruth whispered as she paced up and down nervously. "Why shouldnt it have happened?" Jay asked as she looked at her. "Because it's me, its Ruth and I don't do this," Ruth said as she looked at him, "I don't do relationships, I don't do one night stands." Jay looked at her. "What and you think I do?" Jay asked seriously as he looked at her, "I like you Ruth."

"What's going on?" Noel asked Lenny as they looked at the staff room. "Jay just won his 50 Pound bet," Lenny said laughing, "Ruth fell for him hook line and sinker." Noel looked at him. "You actually watched?" Noel asked laughing, "you sick, sick man." Lenny showed him some pictures he took of them on his mobile phone. "You pervert you," Noel said laughing, "Jay is going to kill you when he finds out." Zoe walked over. "Find out what?" Zoe asked laughing as she put her arms around them.

"You like me?" Ruth asked looking at him, "you don't even know me and if you like me I would hate to hear what you had to say to people you don't like?" Jay looked at her and laughed. "Look I didn't mean what I said OK, its just you frustrated me so much," Jay said seriously. "No you did mean it Jay," Ruth said seriously, "what was it I am a nutcase, thats why people left me, because I'm a nutcase." Jay looked at her. "No Ruth, your not a nutcase I shouldn't of said that, I don't know you," Jay said seriously, "but I'd like to get to know you, if you let me." Ruth looked at him. "You want to get to know me?" Ruth asked seriously looking at him. "Yeah I do," Jay smiled at her and kissed her head, "if that's OK with you?" Ruth nodded at him. "No one must know about us OK?" Ruth said as she walked out the staff room.

"Ruth, how are you getting on now, you need to come round with me or are you good with Jay now?" Maggie asked concerned about her. "I'm fine," Ruth said smiling, "I mean we are fine, your right he is a good nurse." Maggie smiled and nodded. "Good I have heard you did great this morning, well done Dr Winters." Ruth smiled to herself as she followed Jay into the cubicle.

"Zoe," Nick said as he smiled at her, "how are the F2's getting on?" Zoe laughed as she looked at him. "I ain't babysitting them today, as long as they don't kill anyone then its all good, I am so glad Maggie is back," Zoe said laughing. "I bet you are, but you know what she is like over those cigerette breaks of yours," Nick said laughing at her. "Just our little secret eh?" Zoe said as she walked back in the hospital swaying her bottom.

"I think she might have diabetes Jay," Ruth said as she looked at Jay. "What gives you that idea?" Jay asked smiling at her. "Her sugar levels are low, she has pins and needles and she fainted, " Ruth said seriously at him. "See there you go, you don't need to study that much," Jay said smiling at her, "Dr Winters thats your first diagnosis, you go girl." Ruth smiled at him. "Jay, I made a diagnosis don't get the balloons out," she said smiling at him. "Diabetes eh? Well done Dr Winters," Maggie said as she walked in, "you and your brother are doing a fine job." Ruth looked at her and smiled. "Thank you Dr Fairhead," Ruth said as she walked out. Jay looked at her and smiled. "Smitten are you?" Maggie asked laughing, "just keep things professional ok?"


	7. Chapter 7

Ruth looked at Jay as she put her uniform on. "That shouldn't of happened," Ruth whispered as she paced up and down nervously. "Why shouldnt it have happened?" Jay asked as she looked at her. "Because it's me, its Ruth and I don't do this," Ruth said as she looked at him, "I don't do relationships, I don't do one night stands." Jay looked at her. "What and you think I do?" Jay asked seriously as he looked at her, "I like you Ruth."

"What's going on?" Noel asked Lenny as they looked at the staff room. "Jay just won his 50 Pound bet," Lenny said laughing, "Ruth fell for him hook line and sinker." Noel looked at him. "You actually watched?" Noel asked laughing, "you sick, sick man." Lenny showed him some pictures he took of them on his mobile phone. "You pervert you," Noel said laughing, "Jay is going to kill you when he finds out." Zoe walked over. "Find out what?" Zoe asked laughing as she put her arms around them.

"You like me?" Ruth asked looking at him, "you don't even know me and if you like me I would hate to hear what you had to say to people you don't like?" Jay looked at her and laughed. "Look I didn't mean what I said OK, its just you frustrated me so much," Jay said seriously. "No you did mean it Jay," Ruth said seriously, "what was it I am a nutcase, thats why people left me, because I'm a nutcase." Jay looked at her. "No Ruth, your not a nutcase I shouldn't of said that, I don't know you," Jay said seriously, "but I'd like to get to know you, if you let me." Ruth looked at him. "You want to get to know me?" Ruth asked seriously looking at him. "Yeah I do," Jay smiled at her and kissed her head, "if that's OK with you?" Ruth nodded at him. "No one must know about us OK?" Ruth said as she walked out the staff room.

"Ruth, how are you getting on now, you need to come round with me or are you good with Jay now?" Maggie asked concerned about her. "I'm fine," Ruth said smiling, "I mean we are fine, your right he is a good nurse." Maggie smiled and nodded. "Good I have heard you did great this morning, well done Dr Winters." Ruth smiled to herself as she followed Jay into the cubicle.

"Zoe," Nick said as he smiled at her, "how are the F2's getting on?" Zoe laughed as she looked at him. "I ain't babysitting them today, as long as they don't kill anyone then its all good, I am so glad Maggie is back," Zoe said laughing. "I bet you are, but you know what she is like over those cigerette breaks of yours," Nick said laughing at her. "Just our little secret eh?" Zoe said as she walked back in the hospital swaying her bottom.

"I think she might have diabetes Jay," Ruth said as she looked at Jay. "What gives you that idea?" Jay asked smiling at her. "Her sugar levels are low, she has pins and needles and she fainted, " Ruth said seriously at him. "See there you go, you don't need to study that much," Jay said smiling at her, "Dr Winters thats your first diagnosis, you go girl." Ruth smiled at him. "Jay, I made a diagnosis don't get the balloons out," she said smiling at him. "Diabetes eh? Well done Dr Winters," Maggie said as she walked in, "you and your brother are doing a fine job." Ruth looked at her and smiled. "Thank you Dr Fairhead," Ruth said as she walked out. Jay looked at her and smiled. "Smitten are you?" Maggie asked laughing, "just keep things professional ok?"


	8. Chapter 8

"My dad he is in prison," Ruth said as she sobbed gently for the first time in years. "Oh Ruth, what did he do?" Jay asked as he held her gently. "He thought holding up a bank was a good idea," Ruth said laughing, "only my family could think robbing a bank would solve his problems." Jay nodded his head. "Now he has written to me," Ruth said as she handed Jay the letter from her pocket.

"You OK Maggie," Charlie asked as he handed her her dinner. "Just thinking about Ruth, I cant put my finger on it what it could be." Charlie looked at her confused. "She is doing well isn't she?" Charlie asked looking at her, "she hasn't made any mistakes has she?" Maggie shook her head. "No not at all the opposite in fact, its just something about her,sheseems very focused but too focused, I don't know I am just being stupid I think," Maggie said as she sighed, "ignore me Charlie."

"Oh Ruth, I'm so sorry," Jay said as he hugged her tightly. "Don't be," Ruth said as she looked at him her face going back to her stern cold one, "I hate him Jay, I hate him," Ruth said coldly, "he knew what he was doing, I told him so many times, stop drinking dad, just stop but could he? No he couldn't not for me, not for Toby, he only cared about himself, that's his punishment for being so selfish, he robbed the bank to get money, not for me,not for Toby, he didn't care we needed food in the fridge, that we needed new shoes, new school uniforms, he wanted money for his drugs and his booze." Ruth turned to look at Jay and sighed. "If he thinks I'm going to see him and offer him tea and sympathy then he is very much mistaken," Ruth said seriously, "I'm not going to see him, he is dead to me already and he has been for a long long time."

"You sure? I could come and visit him with you," Jay said as he looked at her seriously. "No Jay, I am not going to see him, why should I? What could he possibly say to make the last 5 years better?" Ruth said seriously. "I don't know," Jay said seriously as he looked at her. "I don't want petty excuses, I'm better off alone, I did everything for him, everything Jay, I was the youngest child and I looked after Toby and him when that thing left us, no, oh no, I am not going to cry over him anymore," Ruth said seriously. Jay kissed her and hugged her. "Come here," Jay said as he hugged her and put the duvet over them. "Jay," she whispered to him. "Hmmm," Jay said as he kissed her. "You won't tell anyone will you?" Ruth asked nervously, "especially Toby." Jay nodded. "I Won't cross my heart and hope to die," Jay said as he cuddled her tightly.

As the sun rose in the morning, Jay kissed Ruth gently on the cheek as he got out of the room and made a coffee for himself and Ruth. "What you doing here?" Toby asked as he walked out in his doctors scrubs. "Ummm, your not meant to know I am here, so you didn't see me OK?" Jay said seriously. Toby looked confused at him and nodded. "OK then, if you say so, is Ruth awake yet?" Toby asked looking at him. "No, not yet," Jay said as he smiled at him, "just making her a coffee and some breakfast." Toby laughed. "She won't eat it," Toby said seriously, "she never eats breakfast, only coffee." Jay laughed. "Like I said Toby, I am here to help, she needs breakfast," Jay said seriously, "now off you go to work, Tess hates lateness, I should know," Jay said laughing. "Yes your right, see you later mate," Toby said as he rushed out.


	9. Chapter 9

"Good morning Toby," Tess said as she saw him and smiled. "Good morning Tess," Toby said smiling, "how are you today?" Tess smiled at him. "I'm fine thanks," Tess said as she looked at him, "how did you find yesterday?" Toby nodded his head. "Yeah it was good thanks, I was pleased with myself," Toby said laughing, "who am I with today?" Charlie walked in laughing with Maggie. "Your with me, I'm afraid," Charlie said laughing. "Yeah sorry," Maggie said laughing, "someone's got to keep the grandad company."

"Good morning," Jay said as he handed Ruth her coffee, "how did you sleep?" Ruth nodded her head and smiled. "Fine," Ruth said as she gulped down her coffee quickly, "This toast for me?" Jay nodded his head. "I don't eat breakfast Jay, but thanks," Ruth said as she picked up her bag. "Ruth you need to eat before a shift," Jay said seriously. "Jay, we maybe going out, but you don't tell me what to do OK?" Ruth said as she stormed into the living room. "OK OK," Jay said laughing. "You ready Jay?" Ruth shouted out as she picked up her jacket. "Yep, all set and ready to go Dr Winters," Jay said as he threw the toast in the bin.

"Morning Toby," Lenny said as he walked in and looked at him, "hows your sister this morning?" Toby looked at him confused. "Yeah, she is good thanks, I think, I didn't see her this morning, she should be in soon." Lenny nodded. "Cool," Lenny said smirking, "you seen Jay this morning?" Toby looked at him. "I'll see you later Lenny, I got to rush," Toby said as he walked towards the staff room door as he knew he couldn't lie for toffee. "Sure you do," Lenny said laughing. "So stayed the night with Ruth," Lenny said laughing to himself.

"You go in first," Ruth said to Jay as she stood by the hendge by the hospital hiding. "Ruth, there not going to think we are together because we walk into the hospital together," Jay said chuckling, "they will just think we caught the same bus." Ruth looked at him and sighed. "I don't care, I am not risking peole knowing ok?" Ruth said seriously, "so go in first and I'll follow you in a few minutes." Jay nodded and sighed. "This is ridiculas," he said as he muttered to himself.

"Jay," Lenny said as he looekd at him, "sleep well last night did you?" Jay laughed as he looked at him. "Like a baby," Jay said as he looked at him. "You've never had a baby then," Maggie said as she walked in laughing, "as babies do not sleep." Jay laughed. "My kids will sleep trust me, babies love Jay," Jay said laughing. Maggie laughed. "Ohh just you see Jay," Maggie said as she walked laughing. "Talking of babies already, it must be love," Lenny said laughing as he patted him on the back. "I said shut it about that," Jay said laughing loudly as Ruth walked in. "Here she comes," Lenny said laughing louder than he should of. Ruth shoot her head up and looked at them. "Ruth I was looking for you," Zoe said as she came out from behind the desk to cover for Jay after Lenny's big mouth.

"Your with me today," Zoe said as she looked at Ruth, "in recuss." Ruth nodded at her as she looked at Jay. He smiled at her. She smiled at him and followed Zoe into the staff room. "You fancy the pub tonight Ruth?" Zoe asked as she made a coffee. "It's OK, I have to do some work tonight," Ruth said as she tied her hair back. Zoe nodded and looked at her. "Ready to get to work Dr Winters," Zoe said as she held the door open for her. "With the F2's today I see Zoe," Nick said laughing as he walked past them.

"Lenny asked about you this morning," Toby said to Jay as he removed glass from a ladies head. "What did you say?" Jay asked as he passed Toby a untensil. "Nothing, I walked out," Toby said looking at him, "what is going on?" Jay smiled at him. "Nothing, nothing at all, just let me worry about that," Jay said laughing. "It's a girl," the old lady he said she smiled up at Jay. "Your the only girl for me you know that Miss Smith," Jay said laughing as he walked out with her notes and bumped into Ruth.

"Sorry Dr Winter's didn't see you there," Jay said as he looked at her and smiled at her. "No worries, Nurse Faldren," Ruth said as she carried on walking. He laughed. "See you at lunch?" Jay shouted out as he smiled at her. "Maybe," Ruth smiled at him, "I check my rota." Jay laughed as he walked back into the cubicle.

"The girl you like?" the patient asked Jay as he walked back in. "You could say that,"Jay said smiling, "just our little secret eh?" She laughed and tapped her nose. "Pretty girl she is," she said as Jay pushed out the room to x-ray, "what's she like?" Jay thought for a moment. "Fiery, tempermental on the outside but vulnerable on the inside," Jay said smiling, "I wouldn't want to fight her though." She laughed. "Well you don't let her go if you like her, you don't know what might happen," she said as she smiled at him. "I don't plan to yet, but don't go buying a hat for a wedding," Jay said joking around. "I see you married with kids," she said seriously to him. "Not yet though sweetheart, I am only 24," Jay said laughing.

"Lenny have you got that X-Ray," Ruth asked him as she stood at the corner of resuss. "I'll just get it, I put it down somewhere," Lenny said as he tittered about at reception. "You put down someone's X-Ray and now you've lost it?" Ruth said as she looked at him annoyed. "No I said I will find it, there's a difference," Lenny said sighing. "Is there now? Well this patient is in pain, and we need to find out what actually is broken, so if you could find it it would be helpful," Ruth said seriously. "Look love, you've been here for five minutes, don't tell me how to do my job," Lenny said standing up annoyed. "Then you should know that diagnosising a patient quickly is important then shouldn't you? And don't call me love," Ruth said as she looked at him. "Whats going on here?" Nick asked as he walked out, "have you got those x-rays?" Ruth looked at him. "Lenny's lost them," Ruth said as she walked back into recuss. "Dr Lyons in my office after your shift and re do those x-rays," Nick said furiously as he walked back into recuss. "You got told," Noel said laughing as Lenny walked off in a huff.

"OK this is Mr Winters, he has scorosis of the liver, he is tacicardic," Dixie said as she looked around at the recuss room. "What name did you say?" Jay asked as he looked at Dixie. "Mr Winters," Dixie said as she looked at him, "he has to have a prison guard at all time." Jay looekd around as he saw Ruth come back with Toby from her lunch break smiling. "This is Ruth and Toby's dad," Jay said as he looked at Maggie and Nick.


	10. Chapter 10

"Ruth, Toby," Jay said as he ran up to them. "What's happened? Have we got an emergency?" Ruth asked as she looked at him. "Yes," Jay said looking at her, "but thats not all." Ruth looked at him. "Well tell me in there," Ruth said seriously, "God we need to treat the patient by seeing him." Jay looked at her as Ruth and Toby ran in recuss.

"Who have we got?" Ruth asked as she walked up to them over him. "This is Mr Winters," Jay said gently. Ruth looked at Jay as Jay nodded. "What seems to be the problem," Ruth said coldly towards them. "Its his liver," Maggie said looking at her worriedly, "Ruth maybe you should go to the family room with Toby." Ruth looked at her. "No its OK, no surprises there," Ruth said under her breath. "Ruth..." her dad whispered to her. "Its Dr Winter's, we are just going to do some tests OK," Ruth said as she walked out the room, as Jay followed her worriedly.

"Jay, its fine," Ruth said coldly as she got on the phone. "Ruth its alright you don't have to pretend to me," Jay said seriously as he stood behind her. "I am not pretending Jay," Ruth said seriously, "he is nothing to me." He sighed as he walked back into resus. "Alright Ruth, if you see Jay, can you give him this fifty quid," Lenny said as he handed it to her. "Won't you see him before me," Ruth said coldly, "he is your mate." Lenny smiled. "But you two are going out, this is the bet money, he said he could bed you in a week and he did." With that Lenny walked off chuckling to himself.

Ruth walked back into resus clearly upset and angry. "Ruth..." he said as he took her hand gently. Ruth sat next to him and held his hand gently and shook her head at him. "You deserve this," Ruth said seriously as she looked at him, "I hate you, don't you think I don't." Ruth sighed at him. "I looked after you, I cooked for you, I cleaned for you, I left college for you, and how do you repay me dad, you break into a bank and nearly kill people, for money, for booze, not for me and not for Toby," Ruth said angrily. "I'm sorry love," he said as he looked at her. "Sorry's they do nothing, there just words, they don't mean anything, I've learnt that the hard way, you just say them, you can say to someone you like them, you love them, but it don't mean anything," Ruth said angrily. "Ruth... I was devastated after your mother left," he whispered to her gently.

"And we weren't, we were kids," Ruth shouted at him, "you were a grown man, we didn't understand what happened? Did you explain it to us? Nah you just sat on your fat arse and drank beer all day, didn't care that I needed things for school, or Toby needed a new recorder, I had to walk to school by myself on my first day, I was five years old." He looked at her worriedly. "I see you now, and I see a stranger," Ruth said sighing at him, "I don't care what happens to you, you bought it on yourself." With that she stood up and took his heart rate. "Ruth," Jay said gently, "why don't you go and get yourself a coffee?" Ruth stared daggers at him.

Suddenly his machines started to beep as Toby walked in. "Dad," Toby said as he ran to him with Maggie, Ruth and Nick. "10 compressions please," Maggie said as Nick started to do them. "Jay, take Ruth and Toby out please," Nick said seriously, "now!"

As Ruth walked out she saw pictures of her and Jay in the staff room around the hospital she looked at Jay and shook her head. "Heres your fifty quid I earnt you," Ruth shouted at him as she threw it at him, "I didn't know I was your prosititute for the day? All a great big plan of yours, pick on the new doctor." Jay looked at her. "Ruth... No no you don't get it," Jay said seriously. Maggie came out the room and looked at her. "I am so sorry Ruth and Toby, we tried everything we could, but he didn't make it," Maggie said as she looked at Ruth.

Ruth ran out of the hospital in tears more from embarressment than upset that her father had died.


	11. Chapter 11

"I'm going to kill you," Jay shouted to Lenny who looked sheepish behind the reception desk, "her father has just died in there, why don't you use your head for once and stop falling around." "WOULD SOMEONE CARE TO TELL ME WHAT THE HELL HAS JUST HAPPENED," Maggie shouted and Jay and Lenny, "IN MY OFFICE RIGHT NOW."

Ruth ran out of the hospital as fast as he legs would carry her. "Stupid girl," she sobbed to herself, "stupid stupid girl, falling for his talk, letting my guard down." She stopped as she panted and lent against the wall as the tears streamed down her eyes she opened the door to her flat and slipped down the door in tears.

"Would someone care to explain the reason why my reception is covered with pictures of Dr Winters with Staff Nurse Faldren?" Maggie asked them both as they stood before her. "I would like to know that myself," Jay said as he stared daggers at Lenny. "It was a joke, she had a go at me for losing an x-ray, she comes in here after three days and thinks shes the owner of the hospital," Lenny said seriously. "Your pathetic," Jay said seriously as he looked at him, "she's just lost her dad you moron." Lenny looked at him and shook his head. "I didnt know that did I?" Lenny asked seriously. "Both of you be quiet, Lenny you are going to go and apologise to her," Maggie said seriously, "and as for you Jay, taking a bet to sleep with a woman, she is probably very angry and very hurt right now, get out of my face both of you and do what your paid to do and that is to look after people and save their lives."

Ruth sat on the floor and looked at the flat, she saw all the decoartions up, the tree with lights on, baubles shining from the winters sun, tinsel around the room, she pulled a face at it as she got out a bottle of vodka from her bag and sighed as she necked it down and panted in pain. "Cheers dad, may you rot in hell," Ruth whispered as she shook her head, "may the devil poke you in places you've never been poked."

"Maggie, can I have a word please," Toby said as he looked at Maggie. "Toby come here," Maggie said as she bought him in for a hug, "I'm so sorry to hear about your dad." Toby nodded. "Thanks, I'm still in shock really, can I talk to you about Ruth, I'm really worried about her," Toby said worriedly. "She's in shock Toby, she will be OK, losing your dad isn't easy trust me," Maggie said as she looked at him, "in time the grief will get better." Toby shook his head. "No, no she hasn't been herself for about 5 years Maggie, she is cold, lifeless at times, rude, obnoxious, I don't know whats wrong with her, I'm worried about her, now this thing with Jay," Toby said seriously, "I don't know how much she can take." Maggie nodded her head. "I have told the boys to apologise for their behaviour," Maggie said seriously, "I will talk to Ruth OK, Toby don't worry, we are all here for you both." Toby smiled at her. "Maggie, she won't listen to them, she doesn't listen to sorry's there just word's to her," Toby said seriously as he looekd at her.

Ruth put the TV on as she looked at the Christmas music that came on she sipped her vodka and laughed to herself. "I hate Christmas," she said to herself as she stood up, "time for families, don't make me laugh, its time for mothers to walk out and abandon you, dad's to get drunk and for Toby and Ruth to play among themselves and get no presents and no food, there was no tree, no gifts and no love." Ruth stood up as she popped some pills in her mouth and sipped them down with vodka. She ran to the window in a drunken state, she opened it up. "I HATE CHRISTMAS," she shouted loudly as she pulled down the tinsel from over the window and threw it out, "I HATE THE SONGS, THE DECORATIONS, THE FAKE LOVE."

Jay and Lenny walked down the street near Ruth and Toby's flat. "Lenny your going to tell Ruth, I knew nothing of the pictures, your going to tell her the bet was before then and before I liked her," Jay said as he looked at him seriously. "That's the truth any way," Lenny said as he opened up the cast iron gate towards the stair case. "I know that, but she doesn't, what the hell were you thinking? Man if you have ruined this for me, I will personally hurt you," Jay said as he walked up to Ruth's door.

Ruth paced around the living room and smashed the tree off the table and threw it against the wall. "I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU SO MUCH," Ruth shouted loudly as she started to slur, "WHAT KIND OF MUM LEAVES THERE CHILD ON CHRISTMAS DAY?" She stamped on the baubles as they fell. "WHAT KIND OF MUM LEAVES THERE CHILDREN," Ruth screamed as she threw some of the baubles at the wall. "Ruth, are you OK," Jay asked as he banged on the door.

Ruth was silent as she looked at the door tears rolling down her face as she started to pull her hair in frustration. "Go away," she sobbed as she threw the tree at the door. "Ruth what's going on in there, let me in please," Jay pleaded through the door. Ruth sat in the kitchen and lined up pills all in the row. "I can't do this anymore," Ruth whispered as she looked at a picture of her and Toby in happier times. She stroked her brothers face. "I do love you Tob," Ruth whispered, "don't you ever think I didn't."

Ruth popped the pill in her mouth and gulped it down with some vodka as she looked at the picture. She put more and more in her mouth and gulped them down with vodka as she looked around the kitchen and back into the living room.

Mistletoe and wine started to play on the TV and she chuckled to herself as the anger built bakc up inside her she picked up the TV in a sudden fit of rage and threw it at the wall. "Ruth let me in," Jay shouted out worriedly, "Ruth I am truly sorry please just let me in, what you doing in there? Lenny we are going to have to break down the door."

Ruth laid on the floor and got a bit of glass from the screen and with her last bit of energy she had she cut her wrists and watched the blood seep out and the last twenty years of pain she had felt was seeping slowly out of her body. She kept cutting her skin until her eyes started to shut from the booze and the pills and she slowly fell to sleep. Ruth Winters was finally free.


	12. Chapter 12

Lenny stood back from the door and started to kick it. "Ruth stand back where coming in," Jay shouted as Lenny kept kicking the door with Jay as the door finally gave in they gasped as the living room was in utter disray, broken Christmas tree and decorations everywhere, tinsel ripped to shreds and the telly shattered in the corner. Jay then spotted her in the corner laying flat out cold, the glass still in her hand covered in blood and blood dripping from her arms, face and neck. "Ruth," Jay said as he ran to her quickly, "Ruth babe its Jay."

Lenny came running in with a tea towl and gave it to Jay. "Hold it to her neck mate," Lenny said as he checked her pulse. Jay held the towl to her neck to stem the blood seeping from her neck. "She's alive, just," Lenny said as she looked around, "where the hell is the ambulance." Just then they heard a knock. "Hello anyone there," Dixie shouted out as she poked her head round the door. "Dixie, over here," Lenny shouted out, "we need to stabalise her before we get her on the trolley, we need as many compresses as we have, we need morphine for the pain." Dixie nodded as Jeff went to get the things from the ambulance. "Ok sweetheart, its Dixie here, can you hear me?" Dixie put the nebuliser on her.

"We have a call, suspected sucide attempt,cut wrists, arms, neck and face wounds, alchole and pills have been taken team," Nick said as he looked around at his team, "its Dr Winters though, so has anyone seen Toby?" Maggie took a deep breathe as Lenny, Dixie and and Jeff wheeled her into recovery. "On three please," Maggie said as she looked at Jay, "Jay go and find Toby please, your too close to this." "1, 2, 3," Nick said as they rolled her on the bed. "I want to stay, I want to help," Jay said as he looked at Maggie seriously. "Jay, go and find Toby he doesn't know, you know the rules, your too close to this," Maggie said seriously to him. "These are the pills I found in her flat, ibrophin and asprin and paracetomol with a bottle of vodka, she's cut herself from the glass of the TV screen," Lenny said as he looked at Nick.

Jay walked out of recus numb and saw Toby walk towards him with a coffee in his hand. "Toby mate, I need to tell you something," Jay said as he looked at him in shock. "What, how your sorry for hurting my sister, I trusted you Jay, she finally was begining to let go and enjoy herself at night, then you laughed at her behind her back, betrayed her trust by taking photos of her," Toby said annoyed at her, "my sister don't need that in her life." Jay looked at him and sighed. "Toby will you shut up and let me talk," Jay said getting annoyed and upset at the same time, "Ruth has had an accident, she is in resus now." Toby looked at him and dropped his coffee. "No... No..." Toby whispered as he ran to resus as fast as he legs to carry him, "Ruth wouldn't do this to me, not when we just lost our dad."

"Toby came to me worried," Maggie said to everyone as they stabalised her, her body lying there on life support her face and body bandaged up, "I didn't get there in time." Charlie looked at her and hugged her. "Maggie, this isn't your fault, this is no ones fault," Charlie said as he looked at her. "I should of looked out for her, that's my job, make sure the F2's are alright, I am going to look after her Charlie when she comes round and make sure she gets through this," Maggie said seriously as she saw Toby run in followed by Jay.

"What happened?" Toby whispered as he went to stroke her face like he did when she was baby and he was two year old holding her. Maggie put her arm around him and hugged him. "Her face," Toby whispered as he saw Jay just staring at her in shock, "What has she done to herself?" Jay looked at her and took her hand gently. "Mate, I didn't have anything to do with what Lenny did, I would never do that to your sister," Jay whispered as he sat down next to her, "I shouldn't of taken the bet, but that was before I knew her."

The sounds of the mechines breathing for herdrifted through the room as Toby and Jay sat looking at her. "Mate I know you didn't mean to hurt her," Toby said suddenly. "I didn't know Lenny had been watching, well I did afterwards I told him to keep his gob shut," Jay said as he looked at him, "mate she will be alright, and when she comes round, we are all going to help her." Toby looked at him and scoffed. "She doesn't want help, you think I haven't tried, she just goes cold on me, she wanted to die, the only thing she has ever wanted was to be a doctor, just like me, Dad was a badun, as was mum, and as for Jonathon well he was the worst, we wanted to break the chain, do some good, she is so driven she forgets to be real and a person, she doesn't take advice, what are you going to do about it Jay? What can you do and say that her own brother can't?"

"I don't know but I can do something, I can just be there, someone for her to talk and just be there for her," Jay said as he looked at Toby seriously. "Good luck with that, she doesn't forgive easily Jay, too her you broke her trust and she is going to take a very long to get over that," Toby said as he looked at him sadly, "she liked you, I could tell, for the first time since Dad went to prison she liked someone, not a fake like, but a real like." Jay nodded her head and sighed. "I'm going to kill Lenny,"Jay whispered as he stroked Ruth's hand, "why did you do this to yourself girl?"

"She hates this time of year," Toby said suddenly as he heard Jingle Bells playing for the 4th time in that hour over the hospital radio, "I'm not too keen either." Jay looked up at him. "Why?" Jay asked as he still held onto Ruths hand. "Mum walked out on Christmas Day, not a word, I woke up to find her gone, no note, no explanation, we had nothing that Christmas, it didn't matter about the presents, or the food or not watching Den give Angie the divorce papers, what mattered was we didn't have a family," Toby said as tears filled his eyes, "I was 7 years old and my whole life changed, Ruth was five, she woke up and she ran to her bed to see what Santa had bought her, her face was so dissapointed I can see it now, I close my eyes and I can see her face scrunch up and cry, she asked me if she had been naughty and I said no, we had beans on toast that day, in silence, Dad drank himself into a coma, Jonathon went off with his mates, Ruth and I sat alone and watched re runs off Morecome and Wise, Christmas, never the same." Toby broke down in tears as he looked at his sister.

"Oh Toby," Maggie said as she hugged him tightly and looked at Jay, "we can help her, we all just have to be brave and strong and even if she shouts and screams for us to get away from her, we just have to take it and be there." "How could she do this to me," Toby said angrily, "the day I lost my dad, my mums probably dead, Jonathon is a drug addict prisionor and now Ruth, I'll have no one, at least I had Ruth I always said," Toby said to himself as he bit his nails. "You have us Toby," Maggie said gently, "your going to come and stay with Charlie and me tonight for as long as you can OK?" Toby looked at her and nodded as he broke down in tears.

"Shouldn't you head off," Zoe said as she walked into resus where Ruth was. "No, I'm not leaving her side," Jay whispered as he stroked her hand gently. "You really like her don't you?" Zoe asked as she looked at him as she checked her obs. "I think I love her," Jay said as he kissed her nose gently, "she doesn't deserve this, no one does." Zoe nodded her head and kissed his head gently. "I know mate, go and get some sleep, I'll call you if she wakes up OK? We're moving her to a ward soon," Zoe said as she looked at him sympathetically. Jay nodded as he kissed Ruth and walked out the room slowly.

Maggie gave Toby a hot chocolate as he sat on her and Charlies sofa staring into space. "Thanks," Toby whispered as he look around and so the most amamzing Christmas garlands on the fireplace. "You stay here for as long as you want OK," Maggie said as she hugged him tightly, "I am going to look after you OK?" Toby nodded her tightly as he held on to Maggie as tightly as he could.


	13. Chapter 13

Jay walked into the hospital and he looked around and sighed he just wanted to see Ruth. "Hey Jay," Tess said as she looked at him, "you ok?" Jay looked at her and nodded his head slowly. "Before my shift starts, would it be OK if I go up and see her," Jay said as he looked at her pleadingly. "Of course Jay," Tess said as she nodded her head sympathetically.

Toby sat holding Ruth's hand as Jay walked in. "Mate how is she?" Jay asked as he looked at him. "She's stable," Toby whispered as he still heard the machines breathing for her. Jay nodded at him. "If I could just turn back time, not make that stupid bet," Jay whispered as he held her hand gently. "If I could turn back 20 years Jay," Toby whispered, "make mum stay." Jay looked at him. "If I could lay my hands on your mum," Jay whispered angrily. Toby shook his head. "Jay she isn't worth it, I just wish I could of done more for Ruth, I'm her big brother," Toby said sighing. "She was just so into her career, I don't think she would of listened," Jay said sighing.

Maggie walked in and sat by Ruth as Toby and Jay left. "Morning sweetheart," Maggie said as she got out her book and her apple crossed her legs on the chair, "don't you worry about anything OK? It's all under control, Toby is staying with Charlie and I, and I am going to make sure you and your brother are well looked after." Maggie looked at her book and sighed. "Let's read shall we, more training I've got, maybe you could help me," Maggie said as she opened up her book and started to read to her as she ate her lunch. Charlie was at the door and looked on smiling.

"Jay," Lenny said as he walked up to him, "I'm really sorry mate, how is she?" Jay looked at him and shook his head. "Mate, I told you not to tell her, I really like her, its not like the others, a one night stand that's it," Jay said as she looked at him seriously, "at first yeah I wanted the challenge but after seeing her so vulnerable it changed, you not only hurt her by revealing the bet, you then went and embarressed her just after her dad died, not on mate, not cool." Lenny looked at him and nodded. "How is she?" Adam asked as he grabbed a folder from the reception area. "She's still unconsious but OK," Jay said as he smiled at him. "Hiya," a lady said as she stood at the reception area, "is there a Mr Jordan here?"

"Another new nurse," Zoe said as she saw Nick give a tour to the lady from reception. "As Dr Winters will be out for a while, I felt we needed some back up," Nick siad to her smiling, "you Ok with that?" Zoe nodded her head at him. "Just fine, has nothing to do with me," Zoe said as she walked off with her hands up. "Adam, this is Nurse Harrison, or Jessica," Nick said as he smiled at him, "and Jessica this is Dr Trueman or Adam." Adam smiled at her devishly.

"You want a lift home tonight?" Charlie asked Toby as he looked at him. "I need to go home and pick some things up, thanks anyway," Toby said as he smiled up at him. "I'll give you a lift," Charlie said looking at him, "you stay as long as you want, no one should be on there own at Christmas." Toby nodded at him and smiled. "Thanks," Toby whispered at him, "I just need her Charlie." Charlie nodded at him. "Go and see her, and I'll sort it out with Jordan OK, you shouldn't be working," Charlie said as he looked at him. "Thank you Charlie," Toby said as he ran up the stairs to see her.

"Oh Ruth," Toby said as he looked at her and sighed, "Why couldn't you just talk to me, explain how you feeling?" Jessica looked at him sympathetically. "Your sister is doing OK," Jessica said as she smiled at him, "her stats are improving." Toby nodded at her. "How could she be so selfish," Toby said getting annoyed as he looked at her, "didn't she think of me, didn't she think of anyone else, my mum left me too, I don't get why she did this, why." Jessica looked at him sympathetically and sat next to him. "Maybe she doesn't know how to talk," Jessica said smiling at him, "maybe she didn't see any other way, but your here for her and that is everything." Toby nodded at her. "I'm never ever going to let her down again, never," Toby said as he kissed her hand, "I love you sis."

Jay sat down and held Ruths hand and kissed her head gently as he sighed at her. "Ruth babe, I'm so sorry, you weren't just a bet," Jay said sighing, "you weren't just a stupid bet, you were at first but not after the shoulder dislocation." Jessica looked at him and smiled. "Girlfriend," Jessica asked as she took Ruth's obs. Jay smiled at her. "Ummm, some thing like that," Jay siad sighing, "I kind of messed things up, hurt her." Jessica looked at him and smiled. "I'm sure you didn't mean too, when she wakes up you can make it up to her," Jessica said as she got the new bandages out. "Oh I will, oh I will,"Jay said as he put his head on her stomach and sighed. Jessica took Ruth's bandages off and Jay gasped at her face. "Oh Ruth look what you have done to yourself darling," Jay said as he kissed her. Ruth moved her hand suddenly and squeezed his.


	14. Chapter 14

"Ruth darling, Jess did you see that?" Jay asked as he looked at her seriously, "Ruth can you hear me?" Ruth opened her eyes and looked at him. "I'll get the doctors," Jessica said as she ran out of the room. "Can we have some help in here," Jessica shouted out of the room as Adam and Jordan ran into the room. "Ruth babe its going to be OK, I'm here," Jay said as he held her hand as she looked scared around the room. "Ruth can you hear me," Adam said as he shined the light into her eyes. Ruth nodded as she moved her arms frantically. "It's OK calm down," Jay whispered calmly, "its OK."

Toby opened the door to his and Ruth's flat and gasped as he saw the state it was in. "Jesus," Toby whispered as he picked up part of the tree and sighed. "Don't worry about that, Maggie and I will sort this out OK, go in and get your things," Charlie said gently as he moved the tree to the side. "Charlie look at this place, look at the blood on the floor," Toby said as he looked around the room shocked, "The TV, the tree, the baubles, she was so angry, why did I put the stupid decorations up, I knew she hated Christmas, I knew, and I still did it."

"We are going to take the tube out now OK," Adam whispered as he looked at Ruth concerned, "its going to be uncomfortable so you hold onto Jay's hand really tightly OK?" Ruth nodded as she grabbed onto Jay's hand tightly as they pulled the tube out. "Toby," Ruth whispered as she looked around, "Where's Toby?" Jay looked at her and smiled at her. "Toby will be here soon, I'll call him," Jay whispered at her gently. Ruth nodded at him and nodded. "Why you here?" Ruth asked as she sighed at him in pain. "Because I care," Jay said as he looked at her seriously. "I want you to leave," Ruth whispered as she shut her eyes, "I want you to go, have a bet over someone else and use them like you used me."

"I'm not leaving," Jay said as he looked at her, "I'm so sorry Ruth, I shouldn't of taken the bet but that was before I knew you." Ruth looked at him and sighed. "Sorry's mean nothing," Ruth whispered coldly, "nothing at all." Jay looked at her and sighed. "Ruth," Jay sighing, "listen to me." Ruth looked at him frowning. "You deaf," Ruth said coughing, "I don't want to listen to it." Jay sighed. "Lenny was wrong," Jay said ignoring her pleas and looked at her.

"Hey Adam," Toby said as he sat down on his couch which was strewn with bits of tinsel and broken baubles. "Toby, its Ruth, she is awake," Adam said happily down the phone. "Oh mate, really, thats fantastic, I'll be right there," Adam said as he put the phone down and smiled at Charlie happily. "Ruth, she's awake," Toby said smiling as he looked at him. Charlie looked at him and smiled. "Toby that is fantastic news, let me drive you there," Charlie said as he smiled at him.

"I did make the bet, but that was before I knew you, it wasn't some sick joke, I really like you," Jay said as he looked at her, "why did you do this Ruth? Why?" Ruth was silent as she stared into space. "Ruth," Toby said as he ran in the room and looked at her. "Toby," Ruth looked at him and tears filled her eyes. "Ruth," Toby said as he kissed her head, "please don't you ever do that again." Ruth looked at him. "I'm sorry Tob," Ruth whispered as she coughed, "I just can't do it anymore."

Toby took her hand and kissed her. "Why did you do this?" Toby asked as he looked at her concerned. "Can you all get out please?" Ruth asked as she looked around the room and saw everyone looking at her, she started to rub her arms nervously, "please can you just go, please." Jay went to her and held her arms gently and stroked her hair lovingly. "Calm down," he whispered as he looked at her, "calm down, its OK there going, its OK." Ruth looked at him as she shook. "Please go," she whispered as she looked at him, "please go, I don't want you here."

Jay shook his head. "Ruth calm down, I'm not going anywhere not while your like this," Jay said seriously, "I know I hurt you, but look at me, I'm going to help you get better, I'm not your mum I'm not going to leave you, I'm not your dad, I'm not going to leave you, your stuck with me if you like it or not, now calm down, the others have gone, its just me and you." Ruth looked at him and nodded for the first time admitting defeat. "I'm so tired," she whispered as she shut her eyes sleepily. "I love you," Jay whispered as he kissed her cheek slowly and then walked out the room to grab a coffee.


	15. Chapter 15

Maggie stroked Ruths hair as she slept and Jay slept by her side. "Mum," Ruth whispered as she opened her eyes slowly, "mum is that you?" Maggie looked at sadly. "No its not sweetheart, its Maggie darling," Maggie said as she put her nebuliser on her. Ruth looked at her and nodded. "Can you go please," Ruth whispered as she sighed sadly. "I can't do that darling," Maggie said as she looked at her, "we all care, I know your scared but you don't have to be anymore."

"You don't know me," Ruth said as she looked at Maggie scared like a little child with her big beady eyes. "I know but I want too and I am going to help you, I'm not going to leave you, we should have helped you before, you just worry about getting better, OK?" Ruth nodded as she looked at her sleepily. "Everyone was looking at me," she whispered as she looked around the room and saw Jay sleeping on her arm gently. Maggie looked at her and took her hand gently Ruth pulled it away. "Don't touch me," Ruth said as she looked at her sadly, "everyone was laughing at me."

"They weren't darling," Maggie said sympathetically, "they weren't they didn't see OK, Lenny was wrong to do that to you, and I have told him, no one was laughing, I promise." Ruth looked at her. "I am a doctor," Ruth whispered to her seriously, "I shouldn't of done that, I shouldn't of." Maggie looked at her sympathetically. "You can have a boyfriend and be a doctor, look at me and Charlie," Maggie said seriously.

Ruth looked at her and yawned as she put her hand on Jays head gently as she looked down at him. "Hey," Jay said as he pulled his head up and looked at her, "how you feeling?" Ruth looked at him and did a half smile. "Like I've been in a fight with Mike Tyson," Ruth said trying to laugh as she looked at him, "Jay I am sorry that you have been here all night for me and the last couple of days." Jay looked at her and stroked her cheek slowly. "Babe I'm here OK, always, I ain't going to leave you," Jay whispered as he kissed her on the cheek, "Always." Ruth looked at him and sighed. "Jay, I need to be friends with you," Ruth whispered to him, "You hurt me."


	16. Chapter 16

"Hey just come to check you over," Jessica said as she walked into the room and smiled at her. "Just great," Ruth said sarcastically. "You'll feel better soon, you've been through a lot these last few days," Jessica said as she looked at her sympathetically. "Have I now? And how do you know what I have been through? Whose been talking to you?" Ruth said defensively as she looked at her. "No one has," Jessica said as she looked at her worriedly, "its OK to talk about it if you want too?" Ruth looked at her and frowned. "Well I don't," Ruth said as she sighed at her.

"Zoe," Nick said as she walked into the building and smiled at her. "Yes Nick," Zoe said as she stood next to him at the reception, "how can I help you?" Nick looked at her and smiled. "Keep an eye on things today please, I'll be meeting with the department about Ruth, Maggie is with Toby today, so you are in charge with Adam, best behaviour please," Nick said seriously. Zoe smiled at him and laughed. "When am I not?" She said as she walked off towards the vending machine.

"Jay," Lenny said as he looked at him worriedly, "I hear she is awake, is she OK?" Jay nodded at him and sighed. "Thanks mate, for completely ruining my chance with her," Jay said as he looked at him seriously, "Just don't bother talking to me for a while." With that Jay walked into the staff room and sighed as Lenny walked up the stairs where Ruth was staying.

"Hey, Jessica isn't it?" Zoe asked as she saw Jessica at the new vending machine and smiled at her. "That's right, Zoe right?" Jessica asked as she got out the Dairy Milk from the machine and smiled, "You know Ruth I take it?" Zoe nodded her head laughing. "Yep, she is what do you say not the full ticket," Zoe said seriously, "Feel for her though, Lenny was out of order." Jessica nodded as she smiled at her. "I just get the feeling she needs help not in a physical way," Jessica said sadly, "I want to help her but she keeps pushing me away."

"Hey," Lenny said as he looked at Ruth as she laid there deep in thought. "What do you want?" Ruth asked as she looked at him seriously, "come to embarress me, maybe you took some pictures of me when you found me to put up around the hospital." Lenny looked at her. "I am so sorry for that, I shouldn't of done that, I was just really angry about the x-rays, Jay had nothing to do with it, he really really likes you Ruth, really does, he told me, Zoe and Noel that the bet was off because he wanted you as his girlfriend, he didn't know about the pictures," Lenny said looking at her seriously, "he was by your side every night, he hasn't left the hospital in days, don't hate him for my mistake and my pettyness."

"Where you been?" Jay asked Lenny as he saw him come down the stairs from Ruth's ward. "I've been to apologise to Ruth," Lenny said as he looked at him, "I'm sorry mate, I was bang out of order." Jay looked at him and nodded. "Yeah you were, I told you to keep your mouth shut, now she wants to be just friends, what did you say to her?" Jay asked him seriously. "Just the truth," Lenny said as he walked off and smiled to him, "I just hope she was listening." Jay looked at him and smiled. "Me too mate, me too," Jay said as he took patient notes off Tess and sighed.

"How you feeling?" Toby asked as he left grapes by the side of Ruth's bed. "Annoyed at everyone asking me that," Ruth said as she looked at him annoyed, "so your staying at Dr Fairhead's?" Toby looked at her and nodded. "Well I couldn't stay at ours could I, you trashed it," Toby said as he went to touch her hand and pulled it away as he was worried about her response. Ruth took his hand and smiled at him. "I am so sorry Toby," Ruth whispered as for the first time in years tears fell from her eyes and she didn't try to hide it.

Maggie walked into Ruths room and saw Toby holding his sister tightly as she sobbed loudly. "I just wanted to go, to be free," Ruth sobbed as she hugged him tightly, "to not be this girl everyone laughs at and everyone hates, everyone leaves." Toby stroked her cheek gently and smiled. "No one hates you Ruthie," Toby said as he kissed her on the head gently, "I don't, Jay doesn't, Maggie doesn't," Toby said as he looked at her seriously. "Jay don't know me, neither does Maggie, they all know what a nutter I am, I destroyed our flat, look at my arms, look at my face Toby," Ruth screetched at him and showed him his arms. Maggie looked at her and smiled.

Maggie looked at her and gently sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. "You are not a nutter," Maggie said as she stroked her hair gently, "you so are not, you are a brilliant doctor, you just got so involved in it you forgot to be human, its OK to cry and be sad at times, its Ok to have friends, its OK to have a boyfriend, Its OK to have a laugh and a joke, its called life, no one deserves what you and Toby went through." Ruth looked at her and hugged her tightly. "I don't know how, I am scared Maggie," Ruth said as she hugged her like she had never hugged anyone before.


	17. Chapter 17

Jess looked at Ruth as she laid still looking up at the ceiling. "Your boyfriend not here tonight?" Jess asked as she fluffed up her pillows for her. "I don't have a boyfriend," Ruth snapped at her as she looked at her. "Oh sorry, its just he was here every night," Jessica said as he looked at her, "I think he really cares and likes you." Ruth looked at her and sighed. "I know," she whispred as she looked at her and sighed, "can you do me a favour?"

"Another fag break Dr Hanna?" Nick asked as he passed her a coffee. "For me," Zoe said laughing as she took it, "wow Nick Jordan giving me something, theres a first time for everything I suppose." Nick looked at her and frowned. "How was this morning, coping OK?" Nick asked as he looked at her seriously. Zoe nodded as she smiled at him. "Nothing to bad, been quite quiet really," Zoe said smiling at him. "Famous last words Dr Hanna," Nick said laughing, "I just need to tell Ruth that she can't come back until she gets help." Zoe looked at him and kissed her teeth. "Tough one, but she needs help," Zoe said as she walked back in the hospital, "cheers for the coffee."

Jessica pressed the button to the lift as she held onto Ruth's wheelchair handles. Ruth breathed heavily and nervously as she sighed loudly. "You OK?" Jessica asked worriedly, "you don't have to do this." Ruth nodded as she got pushed into the lift. "I do," Ruth whispered as her hands started to shake, "I so do." Jessica nodded as she stood there in silence. The lift doors opened and Ruth started to shake as she saw everyone rush about doing there jobs. "I can't do this," she whispered as she put her arms over her face to hide the stitches and the scars. "You can," Jessica whispered to her as she pushed her out gently, "no one is looking I promise you, we just go and see him and then we will go back up OK?"

Maggie was doing some paperwork as Jay angrily banged down some notes on the table. "Friends," Jay said suddenly as he looked at Maggie a hint of frustration in his eyes. "Ruth?" Maggie asked as she looked at him, "give it time, she isn't well Jay, right now she don't need a relationship she needs to get better." Jay looked at her and sighed. "I know, I know your right, its just if Lenny hadn't of done that, I could of helped her, I was getting somewhere, she was beginning to open up to me," Jay said seriously as he looked at her. Maggie smiled at him and sighed. "She is hurt and she is suffering from a mental disorder what that is yet we don't know, she needs people to look after her, which I am going to do, her and Toby, if you really want to help her, be her friend right now and see what happens," Maggie said as she looked at him seriously.

"Ruth..." Charlie said as he saw her and smiled at her. "Do you know where Jay is?" Ruth whispered to him as she hid her face showing him her battered and bruised arms. "Yeah he is at the reception," Charlie said as he put his arm on her shoulder, "you want me to put you in the staff room somewhere private, and I'll get him OK, don't worry people won't know your here." Ruth nodded as she breathed fast and nervously and saw the tree in the corner of the room and anger ripped through her body.

"Jay staff room please," Charlie said as he came round and stood by Jay and Maggie. "Sure gramps everything OK?" Jay asked as he followed Charlie down the corridor. "Ruth is in the staff room, she is very worried and very scared but she wants to talk to you, so be gentle," Charlie said as he looked at him seriously, "now is not the time for your silly jokes to try and cheer her up OK?" Jay nodded as he opened the door and saw Ruth shaking furiously. "Ruth," he whispered as he sat on the chair and looked at her, "Ruth I'm here."

"I just want to help her Charlie," Maggie said as she looked through the window and sighed as Ruth covered her face as Jay took her hand in his. "I know you do, and we will," Charlie said as he hugged her tightly. "I want her to move in with us, her and Toby, she needs a family life, stability," Maggie said as she looked at him, "no one should be alone at Christmas no one." Charlie nodded at her. "I'll get her room ready and you talk to her tonight OK, I'll help Toby with the funeral arrangements tonight," Charlie whispered as he walked off.

Ruth looked at Jay tearfully. "Lenny came to see me," Ruth whispered nervously as she didn't look at him but still held onto his hand tightly. "I know," Jay whispered as he looked at her lovingly, "he told me, I hope he apologised." Ruth looked at him. "You've been talking about me," she whispered as she looked at him furiously. Jay sighed as he looked at her. "Ruth I told him to say sorry, he shouldn't of done that," Jay said seriously as he looked at her. "He said you stayed with me everynight," she whispered as she looked up at him for the first time, her eyes red from crying and her skin bruised and dazed. Jay nodded and smiled at her. "Always Ruth always," Jay said as he looked at her, "I am going to be here for you, through every tear, every tantrum and every smile."

Maggie walked in and smiled at Ruth as she looked at her. "Ruth sweetheart," Maggie said as she crouched beside her, "I'm going to take you home now, home with me and Charlie." Ruth looked up at her vulnerably. "Why?" she whispered as she held onto Jay tighter. "Because I want to look after you," Maggie said as she stroked her hair gently, "Toby is with me, you and Toby can stay for as long as you like OK?" Ruth nodded slowly as she looked at Maggie.


	18. Chapter 18

Ruth looked around at the living room she sat in, the unfamiliar couch she sat on, garlands on the fireplace, tree in the corner, presents already forming around the tree. "Here," Maggie said as she gave her a cup of tea. "Thanks," Ruth said as she looked at her and sighed. "Your going to be OK now," Maggie whispered as she looked at her, "your going to be just fine." Ruth looked at her, her brown eyes looking up at her like a child trying to walk unaided, scared and unconfident.

Charlie looked at Toby as he waited for him and Jay to finish their shifts. "Toby, Maggie and I will help with the funeral arrangements tonight ok?" Charlie asked as he looked at him smiling. "Not when Ruth is there thogh yeah?" Toby said as he filed a folder that Nick had asked him to do. "Of course not," Charlie said smiling at him, "we will do it in private, Jay can take Ruth for a walk and we will discuss it." Jay nodded and saluted Charlie laughing. "Anything for Ruth gramps," Jay said as he walked into the staff room smiling.

"So how about we have your favourite meal for dinner?" Maggie asked as she looked at Ruth and took her hand gently, it was so so cold. "I'm not really hungry," Ruth whispered as she stared into space. "How about take away Pizza?" Maggie asked as she looked at her as Ruth curled her legs up to protect herself. Ruth nodded slowly as she looked at her sadly and childlike.

"Pub Jay?" Zoe asked as she walked up with Jessica and smiled at him. "Nah going to see Ruth," Jay said as he walked out the staff and smiled, "she needs me more than a pint and a night out." Zoe smiled at him and laughed. "Take it slow Jay," Zoe said smiling at him. Jay smiled at her and laughed. "Your the third person to tell me that, what do people think I am going to do to her, pin her against the wall and snog her brains out or something," Jay said as he walked off laughing, "gramps, Tobs you ready?"

"Hey," Toby said as she walked into the living room and saw Ruth sitting there hunched over as Maggie sat next to her. Ruth ran into Toby's arms and hugged him tightly. "Tobs," Ruth said as she hugged him so tightly it nearly hurt him, "I'm so sorry, so sorry." Toby looked at her and kissed her head gently. "You are going to get better," Toby whispered as he hugged her tightly, "I am going to make sure of that, no one is going to hurt you ever again, I'm your big brother and I am going to do everything in my power to protect you." Ruth nodded as gently sobbed against his chest.

"No Jay tonight," Lenny asked as he looked around at the others, "with Dr Winters is he? Heard she was discharged today? Mr and Mrs Fairhead adopting her it seems." Zoe looked at him and laughed. "Well they can't exactly have kids at their ages can they? Can you imagine it, ewww," Lenny snorted. "Please guys," Adam said as he looked at them, "you guys can you stop with the sex talk about Charlie and Maggie, I just ordered the steak." Jessica looked at them and laughed. "Ruth is OK guys, she just is missunderstod," Jessica said shyly as Adam smiled at her.

"Jay," she whispered as she looked at him as he poked his around with a box of pizzas. "Ruth," he smiled at her, "I took a guess with a margeretta, am I right?" Ruth looked at him and nodded. "Never likes veg on pizza do you Ruth?" Toby asked as he looked at her smiling. "Especially pineapple, if I wanted something sweet I would have a chocolate," Jay said laughing, "especially with ham, you don't dip ham in chocolate do you?" Ruth looked at them as a smiled spread across her face and she started to laugh until they turned into tears.

Maggie hugged her tightly."Right you sit down Ruth," Maggie said as she laid the table up, "Charlie you get the glasses, Toby you get the juice, Jay you sit with Ruth, we are haivng a nice family dinner." Ruth looked up at Maggie. Jay took her hand and smiled at her. "I am so proud of you Dr Winters," Jay whispered as he stroked her hand. "Nothing to be proud off," Ruth said coldly as she stared into space, "I'm a worthless cold bitch."

"Your not," Jay whispered as he kissed her hand, "your not, you are the most amazing gorgeous girl in the world." Ruth looked at him and laughed loudly. "No I am not Jay, I'm stupid little Ruthie, all I'm good at is being cold and a bitch, why do you like me? Why you here?" Ruth said as she looked at him seriously. "Because I quite simply love you," Jay whispered as he looked at her as Maggie came in with the plates.

Ruth looked around the table, for the first time in her life she was having a family meal, Toby was really happy talking to Charlie as Maggie sat next to her and smiled at her. Jay smiled at Ruth as Ruth looked at him. "Wait for me," she whispered to him as she looked down at the floor. Jay nodded. "For as long as it takes," Jay said as he smiled at her.


	19. Chapter 19

#Jay looked down at Ruth as she slept on the big double bed they had provided for her as he held her hand and slept on the floor. "Jay have a bed," Maggie whispered as she walked in and looked at him threatening to laugh. "No its OK, I want to stay with her protect her," Jay whispered as he looked up at her, "she is never going to be on her own again."

"Morning," Toby said as he walked down stairs and saw Maggie and Charlie laying the breakfast table up. "Morning Tobes, sit down, have some toast and coffee and Charlie will give you and Jay a lift to the hospital, I am going to take Ruth for a walk today," Maggie said as she got up and poured him a coffee. "I'm not a dog," Ruth said as she walked down the stairs slowly, "I don't need a walk. "I know your not lovie," Maggie said smiling, "but you need some air." Ruth started to shake. "No I don't want to go out," Ruth said as she looked at them all as her lip wobbled.

"Morning," Adam said as he smiled at Jessica as he walked in. "Morning," Jess said as she smiled at him, "you feeling OK? No hangover?" Adam looked at her and laughed. "No, that was tame last night compared to usual," Adam said laughing, "wait until you go out for a night with Jay, Zoe and Lenny then its not so good." Jessica laughed as she smiled at him. "I think Jay might not go out for a while yet," Zoe said as she entered with her big sunglasses and cup of coffee in hand, "he is in love remember." Lenny laughed as he came in smiling. "Poor lad," Lenny said laughing as he looked at him.

"Jay come on get that butt down the stairs," Charlie shouted up the stairs as he tried to lighten the mood. "Oh but gramps," Jay could hear moaning from the bedroom. "No buts Jess, just think of Tess moaning at you all day, come on lad," Charlie said laughing. Ruth walked upstairs and looked at Jay and kissed his head gently. "Get up and go to work," Ruth whispered to him as he looked up and smiled at him, "your lucky you can work and besides you can tell me all the gossip and cases." Jay looked up at her and smiled. "Only if you promise to go out today with Maggie OK?" Jay asked as he stood up and looked at her, "you need some air, she just wants to help you, like we all do."

"Alright Jay," Lenny asked as he looked at him as he Charlie and Toby walked into the department, "how's Ruth?" Jay smiled at him and laughed. "She is getting there, I mean she isn't well, but she is getting there," Jay said smiling at him. "Its love," Zoe said laughing as she patted Jay on the shoulder. "Hey you stop your teasing," Charlie said smiling. "Thank you gramps, all that matters is she gets better, if we get together again then brilliant, if not she has me a friend for life." Lenny laughed loudly. "You got it bad," Lenny said as he walked off.

Maggie looked at Ruth as she sat on the couch and smiled at her. "I am sorry aboout earlier," Maggie said as she took Ruth's hand and smiled at her Ruth went to push it away but she looked at Maggie and smiled. "I know, its just I can't go out Maggie," Ruth whispered as she looked at her, "I am so so scared." Maggie smiled at her. "Why don't we go and get some of your stuff from yoour flat," Maggie said as she looked at her. "Will you come with me," Ruth whispered like a child.

"I don't want him to have a big grand funeral Charlie," Toby said as they sat in the staff room with notepads. "That's understandable," Charlie said as he looked at him and smiled. "Does he even deserve one, a goodbye, he didn't care about, he never did, it is his fault that Ruth is the way she is, why should we celebrate a life of a man that messed us up?" Toby said as he walked around the staff room in anger, "he killed himself with booze, I see people here everyday that want to get better but he didn't, you choose Charlie, I don't care."

Ruth looked around the flat and she looked at Maggie. "I did this," she whispered as she sighed, "I hate myself." Maggie looked at her and smiled. "You don't, you think you do but you don't," Maggie said as she went into Ruth's bedroom, "anything you want?" Ruth shook her head. "I have nothing," Ruth said as she stood up, "I have nothing I want, I have nothing I need, because I am nothing." Ruth said as she ran out the house.

"Guys have you seen Ruth?" Maggie asked as she ran into the hospital panicked. "No, why?" Jay asked as he ran too her, "wasn't she meant to be with you?" Maggie sighed and nodded. "She ran off when she went to the flat to get her stuff," Maggie said as she looked at him, "she said she was nothing, I've looked everywhere for her." Jay looked at her and ran out the hospital. "Jay, you have work where you going?" Tess shouted after him. "Tess I don't care, Ruth is missing, if you stop me going you can shove your job up your arse, she needs me," Jay said as he ran out the hospital as fast as he is legs would carry him.

"I sometimes wish you had stayed," Ruth said out loud as she walked around the park to herself, "just wished you had looked after me, was I naughty mummy? Did I upset you I wish you were there to help with Dad, to stop the beatings, the lying, Jonahton might not have been a drug addict, I might have been normal." Ruth sat on the bench and saw the kids playing in the park with their mums and dads. "Ruth its cold," he said as he sat beside and put his jacket around her.


	20. Chapter 20

"I'm just a cold person," Ruth whispered as she looked around the park wide eyed. "You aren't a cold person," Jay said as he kissed her head gently. "You don't know me Jay," Ruth said as she stood up and looked at him, "I have nothing, nothing I am nothing." Jay stood up and took her arms gently. "You are everything and more, you aren't nothing," Jay whispered to her, "to me you are the world."

"I just want to be free," Ruth said as she put her arms out and felt the wind blow in her face. "You are free," Jay said as he looked at her worriedly, "you are free, being free doesn't mean you have to be dead." Ruth looked at him and scowled. "I want to be dead, what is there for me in this life? Family?" Ruth said as she looked at him coldly. "What about Toby, your brother that loves you," Jay said as he stood up and looked at her. "He would be better off without me," Ruth said sadly, "who would want me as there sister?"

"I would," Jay said as he looked at her seriously, "I would love to bey your girlfriend more though." Ruth looked at him and ran to the top of the bridge by the lake and looked down. "Ruth," Jay said as he ran towards her. "I want to be free,"Ruth spun around on top of the bridge and held her arms out, "who wants me eh? I am just a cold heartless bitch, someone people laugh at, take bets on, embarress, hit and beat up, smack me around the face, use and abuse, well I'm fed up of it, I can't do it anymore."

Jay pulled her back gently and as Charlie and Maggie ran towards the park with Toby, Jay had secretly text them when he found her, and pulled her in an embrace. "Ruth, I am never ever going to let you go," Jay whispered as he kissed her head, "I am never ever going to let anyone hurt you again." Ruth hit his chest as she sobbed. "I want to go, why won't you let me go," Ruth sobbed hysterically. "Because I love you, Toby loves you, Maggie and Charlie love you," Jay said as he held her tightly as tears formed in his eyes. "They don't know me, they just feel sorry for me," Ruth whispered as she looked up into his eyes, getting lost in them for a moment as the tears brimmed his eyes.

"Ruth," Jay said as he looked at her seriously as he moved her away from the bridge and towards the bench and helped her sit down still holding her tightly. "I want to be happy," she whispered as she looked into his eyes and sighed. "I know," Jay said as he pulled her closer to him, taking in everything about her, the smell of her hair. "Let me help you, let me fix you, let us fix you," Jay said as he saw Maggie and Charlie sit on the bench next to them with Toby standing back shyly.

Maggie looked at Ruth as she stroked her hair gently. "We can help you, just let us in," Maggie whispered as she looked at worriedly. "Trust me," Jay said as he stood up gently offering her her hand, "do you trust me?" Ruth nodded as she stood up slowly and took his hand. "We need to get you to hospital and get you better," Maggie whispered as she looked at Ruth concerned. "You won't leave me will you?" Ruth asked them both as they helped her to Charlie's car. "Never," Maggie whispered, "I am never leaving your side."

As all this was happening at the estate where Ruth grew up a little girl was sobbing as her father hit his mother for the uptenth time.


	21. Chapter 21

Ruth looked around the plain room and sighed as Maggie and Charlie spoke to someone outside. "Why am I here," Ruth whispered to herself as she walked around the room scared, "how dare they lock me away, I am OK." Toby looked at her sadly. "You are not OK Ruth," Toby said as he looked at her sadly. Ruth looked at him and sighed angrily. "Ruth please don't be angry with us, you need to get better and then this the place for you to be isn't it? You trust us don't you?" Ruth nodded slowly as she pulled her legs up to defensively.

"Bi Polar?" Charlie asked the doctor as he looked at him shocked, "right of course, it makes sort of sense." Maggie looked through the window and sighed. "Medication?" Maggie asked as she turned back to Dr Andrews and smiled at him. "Lithium, councelling and lots and lots of support," Dr Andrews said as he looked at them seriously. "I will go and see her," Charlie said as she opened the door slowly, "you know how Ruth hates being lied too, she needs to know."

"Hey Jay," Jessica said as she walked up to him and smiled at him sympathetically, "how is Ruth?" Jay sighed as he took a folder from the counter and walked towards cubicles. "She is not good, she was going to jump," Jay said sadly as he looked towards the stairs, "shes upstairs, there assessing her." Jessica smiled at him sympathetically. "You are doing everything you can for her," Jessica said as she smiled at him. "You do that for the people you love right," Jay said as he smiled at her, "Oh Jess why don't you try and go up and see her, she needs friends."

"So what do we have here," Zoe said as Dixie came in pushing a patient on the trolley. "This is Chantelle Winters and her daughter Rachel, badly beaten up and severe reaction to heroin," Geoff said as he held Rachel in his arms. "And Rachel," Zoe said as she pointed to Rachel. "A few bruises, suspected broken arm," Geoff said as he held her tightly. Zoe nodded sadly. "Jay can you take Rachel into cubicles please," Zoe said as she looked at Nick as he came over. "So what do we have here, Dr Hanna," Nick said as the door closed behind them.

"You have bi polar," Charlie said as he sat on Ruth's bed and took her hand gently, she went to flinch it away but she looked into his green eyes and couldn't she saw love in them and that he really cared about her, "I know how you hate people lying to you." Ruth smiled at him. "Thanks," Ruth whispered at him as she looked at him like a scared little child. "Maggie and I are going to help you OK," Charlie said seriously. "My parents weren't so why do you want to be here for me and Toby?" Charlie looked at him. "Because we are proper parents, who love and adore our children and we want to give you the same," Charlie said as he kissed her head gently, "it will take time I know, but we aren't going anywhere."

"How old are you sweetheart?" Jay said as he looked at the girl as he gave her some painrelief. "I am 6, how old are you?" Rachel said as she smiled at him cheekily. "I am 26," Jay said laughing at her, "what happened to your arm." Rachel shrugged at him. "It don't matter, I'm used to it," Rachel said as she smiled at him, "is mummy OK?" Jay sighed sadly at her as he laid her down gently. "Mummy is in good hands, we need to get you sorted out don't we," Jay said as he stroked her hair gently. "Daddy was really really cross," Rachel said suddenly as she looked at him sadly, "he had a lot to drink, it makes me really sad when he drinks."

"Go to work Toby," Ruth said as they all sat around her bed looking at her. "I want to be with you," Toby said seriously as he took her hand. "I know, but you work, for me," Ruth said as she smiled at him, "I have Maggie and Charlie with me for a while, you need to work." Toby nodded and kissed her gently. "I love you sis," Toby said as he smiled at her, "I'm sorry I haven't been much of a big brother to you." Ruth smiled at him. "I love you too, I'm sorry for everything," Ruth whispered as she sighed as Toby shut the door.

"What have we got here," Toby said as he walked into resus and looked at Zoe. "This is Chantelle, suspected heroin overdose," Nick said as he moved out the way so Toby could have a look. "Toby," Chantelle whispered as she opened her eyes and looked at him. "Sorry do I know you," Toby asked as he listened to her chest. "Jonathon," Chantelle whispered, "look after Rachel for me, don't let him have her." Toby shook his head trying to clear it. "Jonathon, he is in prison," Toby said seriously as he looked at her shocked, "did Jonathon do this to you? Whose Rachel?"

Jay looked at Rachel and smiled. "My daddy says I talk to much like his sister," Rachel said as she smiled at him, "I don't think I do, do you?" Jay laughed as he held her hand as Lenny walked in to plaster her arm. "Whats your name?" Rachel asked Lenny as she smiled at him. "My names Lenny, whats yours," Lenny said as he smiled at her. "My names Rachel, I am 6 years old and my mummys very poorly,this is Jay he is looking after me." Jay smiled at her. Toby walked in to the cubicle and dropped his folders in shock at the girl sitting there she looked just Ruth when she was 6.


	22. Chapter 22

"You can bring some of her things from home," Dr Andrews said to Maggie as Ruth sleeped soundly. "We don't actually have anything from her house," Maggie said as she sighed at him, "I'll ask Toby to bring some of her things back." Dr Andrews nodded at her as she smiled. "We will start her councelling tomorrow morning, then get her mingling with the others here," he said as he nodded his head. "Is it OK if we stay with her tonight, or one of us, so she isn't alone?" Charlie asked as helooked at him, "she has recently tried to kill herself, it will put our minds at ease."

"Butter fingers," Jay said laughing as he looked at Toby as he stared at her in shock. "Your like the man in daddy's photos Uncle Toby," Rachel said bluntly as she looked at him, "daddy says he is a bit thick." Jay looked at Toby and then at the girl. "I am your uncle Toby," Toby said as he scratched his head nervously. Rachel did the biggest smile at him. "Are you a doctor or a nurse?" Rachel asked as she patted the bed for him to sit down. "I am a Dr, Dr Winters," Toby said as he sat down and looked at her, "hope my friends are looking after you." Rachel nodded happily. "I like Nurse Jay, he is very nice, and Lenny is too he is from Scotland you know," Rachel said proudly. "I would never have guessed," Toby said as he smiled at her. "Where is my auntie?" Rachel asked as she looked at him smiling, "auntie Ruthie."

Jess went towards the lift and sighed as she looked at the piece of paper Jay gave her. "Hey where you going?" Zoe asked as she ran after her, "you not going to the pub without me are you girl?" Jess shook her head as she smiled at her. "No, I'm going to see Ruth, see how she is," Jess said as she looked up at the lift. "Give her my love, I would come with you, but got a resus full of patients, we need her back down here," Zoe said seriously as she saunted off.

Jay nearly fell back into shock and he grabbed onto the bed to stop himself as he looked at Toby. "Where is your dad?" Toby asked Rachel as he smiled at her. "I'm not allowed to say, its a secret he says," Rachel said as she giggled at him. "You can tell your uncle Toby cant you?" Toby said as he smiled at her. Rachel looked at him. "Daddy said he would be very cross if I told anybody and I wouldn't want what happened to mummy to happen to me," Rachel said seriously a look of fear in her eyes. Jay stood up angrily. "He threatened a kid?" Jay said seriously, "I don't believe this, Ruth didn't tell me about Jonathon."

"Can I go in and see her?" Jess asked as she spotted Maggie and Charlie sitting outside with a cup of coffee and a chocolate bar. "She is sleeping at the moment," Charlie said gently as he smiled at her, "she's just had her first lot of medication, they knock you out the first time apprently." Jess nodded as she sat down and smiled at them. "Jay said she has bi polar," Jess whispered as she looked at them. They nodded in unison. "It will be long road but we will get there, she has us," Maggie said as she held Charlie's hand and Jess smiled at them. "She will have me as a friend, no matter how many times she may push me away," Jess said seriously as she stood up, "I need to go home now, see my husband and kids, give her my love, I'll come tomorrow."

"Do you know my Auntie?" Rachel asked Jay as she looked at him and smiled at him cutely. "I'm her friend, her best friend," Jay said as he calmed down and stroked her hair gently. "I don't have a best friend," Rachel said sadly as she looked at him frowning just like how Ruth does. "Well I think I could be your best friend too," Jay said smiling at her, "your arms all done now, so how about I take you to the staff room and then Uncle Toby will look after you OK?" Rachel nodded as she jumped down from the bed and took his hand suddenly. "Where is my auntie?" Rachel asked as she looked up at Jay wide eyed.

"We are losing her," Nick said as Chantelles machines started to bleep. "Charge to 500," Zoe said as she looked at her team, "stand back team." Lenny checked her stats. "No nothing," Lenny said as she looked at them. "Stand back again," Zoe said as she looked at him, "clear, no nothing, shall we call it?" Nick nodded at her. "Well done team we did the best we could," Nick said as he walked out. "We need to tell Toby, this is his sister in law I think, the girl is his niece," Lenny said as she looked at them.

"Want a juice?" Jay asked Rachel as he sat her down on the couch in the staff room. "Yes please, but if you want me to have water its OK?" she asked looking down scared. "Of course it is, water I mean who wants water over juice?" Jay said seriously as he handed her a cup. "Thank you Jay," she said smiling at him, "Is mummy nearly better?" Toby walked in and smiled at them. "Hey," Toby said as he opened up his locker and took out a picture of Ruth, Toby and Jonathon as young children, "here you go Rachel." Rachel giggled loudly. "Wow, daddy looks happy here," Rachel said laughing, "now he is so so grumpy." Toby smiled at her. "He gets that from Dad," Toby said smiling at her and then looked down as he remembered he didn't have a dad, he hadn't for a long while. "Pops is in heaven now, isn't he?" Rachel said as she smiled at him, "mummy said if Daddy didn't stop hurting her he would be in heaven with pops too." Jay looked at her sadly and then at Toby. "He is," Toby kissed her head, "I'll find out about your mummy for you."

"Toby a word please," Nick said as she looked at him, "in private, Jay why don't you take your new friend to my office and play a few computer games with her, or you could take her for a walk." Jay nodded at him as he picked up Rachel. "You want to go to the park for a bit?" Jay asked as he put his coat on. Rachel nodded as he looked at him. "Come on then, you got a coat?" Rachel shook her head. "I don't have a coat," Rachel said sadly as she looked at him. "I tell you what, how about we get some food, you look hungry, fancy it?" Jay said as looked at Mr Jordan concerned. "Leave it with me," Nick whispered as Jay carried her out of the staff room.

"Toby, I am afraid to say your sister in law didn't make it," Nick said as he looked at him sympathetically. "Oh shit," he whispered as he rubbed his face, "Drugs I bet?" Nick nodded sadly. "Selfish, selfish idiot, she isn't going back to my brother, she isn't," Toby said seriously, "I think he has been abusing her, I had no idea she was even alive until twenty minutes ago," Toby said as she sighed. "It must be hard," Nick said sighing, "Do you want us to call Social service, the Police?" Toby shook his head. "No way, Ruth and I will look after her," Toby said suddenly, "she is family." Nick nodded. "Take the rest of the evening off, talk it through with Maggie and Charlie and Ruth if she is well enough," Nick said seriously, "Come and see me tomorrow, let me know how you both are."

Jay sat in the canteen with Rachel and looked up the stairs where Ruth was. "What you looking at?" Rachel asked as she stuffed the chips in her mouth so fast that it looked like he hadn't eaten in months. "Just thinking of a friend," Jay said as he smiled at her, "You slow down don't want you getting heartburn do I?" Rachel looked at him and smiled. "Is your friend up there, my auntie?" Rachel said smiling at him. "You are very smart young lady," Jay said as he smiled at him, "you get that from your auntie, not from your uncle." Rachel giggled loudly as she smiled at him. "Why is Auntie Ruthie upstairs?" Rachel asked as she looked at him. "She is a bit poorly," Jay said as he ordered her another plate of chips, "she is a bit sad at the moment." Rachel nodded. "I bet I could make her smile," Rachel said seriously, "Mummy says I give her lots of smiles." Jay smiled at her as Toby walked in and shook his head sadly.

"That family is a bit messed up," Lenny said as he took off his scrubs and looked at Noel seriously. "Have some respect man," Zoe said as she walked in, "someones just died leaving a daughter behind, Ruth has bi polar, which is a condition she can't help, we don't know the reasons, so just keep your beak out of it OK?" Lenny nodded shocked. "Pub?" Noel asked as he looked around trying to lighten the mood.

"Rachel," Toby said as he sat down next to Rachel and hugged her tightly, "Mummy has gone for a little sleep and she has asked me and Ruth to look after you for a while." Rachel looked at him her eyes filled with tears as she sobbed loudly. "Mummy's gone to heaven?" Rachel asked as she looked up at him. Toby nodded sadly as he looked at Jay sadly. "I don't want to go with Daddy, don't let me go back to Daddy," Rachel said as she sobbed loudly. "No, we are never going to let you go to your Daddy," Toby said seriously, "never, would you like to see your Auntie Ruth?" Jay looked at Toby sadly. "Are you sure?" Jay asked as he looked at Toby, "Ruth isn't really in a state to see her?"


	23. Chapter 23

"Toby," Charlie said as she looked at him as he walked up the stairs with Jay and Rachel. "Alright Charlie, how is Ruth?" Toby asked as he looked at him worriedly. "Sleeping like a baby, Maggie is in with her now, doing the fluffing pillow thing, you know women." Toby snorted at this remark. "Charlie, I'd like you to meet my niece Rachel," Toby said as he stepped aside as Rachel smiled at him. "Niece?" Charlie asked confused, "hello you, what happened to your arm?" Rachel sat on his lap and smiled at him. "I hurt it," Rachel said sadly at him, "but Jay fixed it for me, he bought me chippies too." Charlie smiled at her. "Wow, that was nice of him," Charlie said as he chuckled at her friendliness. "Is that my Auntie Ruthie," Rachel asked as she looked through the window and saw Ruth fast asleep as Maggie gently stroked her hair.

"Jay could you take Rachel to get Ruth some of her favourite chocolate bars?" Toby asked as he looked at him seriously, finally taking control of his family he had to look after, his sister and his niece. "Of course, let me guess Galaxy Ripple or a Wispa?" Jay asked as he looked at him seriously. Toby looked at him open mouthed. "How do you know my sister so well?" Toby asked as he looked at him seriously. "I guess its just fate," Jay said seriously as he took the little girls hand, "what would you like Rachel?" Rachel thought for a moment. "I'll have a kit kat please," Rachel said as shegrinned up at him. "Sit down Toby," Charlie said seriously as he looked at him, "what do you want to talk about?"

"Whats wrong with auntie?" Rachel asked as she looked up at Jay seriously as he put in the money in the machine. "She is feeling very sad at the moment, very sad," Jay said as he looked at her sadly. "Chocolate always makes people happy," Rachel said as she looked at him, "it made me and mummy happy." With that Rachel started to sob loudly. Jay picked her up and cuddled her tightly. "Don't cry sweetie," Jay whispered in her ear, "Toby and Ruth will look after you, as will I and Maggie and Charlie." Rachel looked at him tears rolling down her face. "You won't send me back to daddy?" Rachel asked sobbing. "No way," Jay said seriously, "I promise."

"You see..." Toby started off nervously as he looked around nervously. "You want Rachel to move in with us for a while until you sort out what your going to do?" Charlie asked as he looked up at him smiling. Toby nodded his head. "I know its a lot, I mean you have taken me in and looking after Ruth," Toby saidas he started to gabble like he did when he was nervous. "Toby its what families do," Charlie said as he looked at him, "now stop worrying."

Jay walked into Ruth's room with Rachel and Toby as she slept soundly. "She's like sleeping beauty," Rachel whispered as she looked up at Jay. Jay smiled at her as he took Ruths hand gently and stroked it. "She is so very very pretty," Rachel whispered as she looked at her in awe, "but she looks very sad too." Jay smiled at her. "She will be happy again soon, I'll make sure of that," Jay said seriously as she kissed the top of Ruth's head. "Jay," Ruth mumbled as she opened one eye at him and saw his brown eyes staring at her.

"Heroin?" Maggie said to Charlie as she sighed at him, "the poor girl." Maggie stood up furiously. "What that family has done to those children Charlie," Maggie said as she walked up and down the corridor, "well Rachel will come home with us of course, people who can't look after children shouldn't have children." Charlie looked at Maggie and let out a little chuckle. "I love the way your so fiery," Charlie said as he hugged her, "you are just perfect you know." Maggie smiled up at him. "Thank you for taking this on with me," Maggie whispered as she held up him tightly. "I have to admit I have grown quite close to them," Charlie said as he smiled at her.

"I'm so tired," Ruth whispered as she looked around the room and took his hand gently, "will you stay with me?" Jay nodded his head as he laid next to her in the bed. "Hello," Rachel said suddenly as she looked at her. Ruth bolted up right and looked at her confused. "My name is Rachel," Rachel whispered worriedly, "your my auntie." Ruth looked at Toby and then at the girl. "Toby, you had a kid?" Ruth whispered at him as she rubbed her eyes sleepily, "this is a dream, I mean you haven't had a girlfriend and this kid is like what six?" Toby chuckled. "No Rachel isn't mine," Toby said as she took her other hand. "No, no Jonathon is in prison, he couldn't have a child, he is in prison right," Ruth said as she started to panic.

Rachel smiled at her and looked at her with her piercing blue eyes. Ruth couldn't help but smile back and looked at her confused. "What happened to your arm?" She whispered as she pointed at the cast. "I can't tell anyone," Rachel said as she looked down sadly. Ruth patted the bed gently and looked at her. "Come and lay down with your auntie," Ruth said as she looked at her worriedly. Rachel laid down next to her and sighed. "Its OK," Ruth whispered as she hugged her tightly, "your daddy used to hurt me too, I know your scared." Ruth let a single tear roll down her cheek. "He pushed me down stairs," Rachel sobbed loudly as she clung onto for dear life, "he hurt mummy and now she in heaven." Ruth cuddled her tightly. "Shh," Ruth said gently as she stroked her hair, "we will look after you now, I am never going to let him hurt you again." Ruths eyes filled with tears as she hugged her for dear life. "Promise Ruthie?" Rachel said as she put her pinky finger out to her.

Ruth took the finger and shuddered as she heard her old nick name that Jonathon used to use. "Call me Ruth please," Ruth whispered as she started to get sleepy again and her grip on Rachel got lighter. "Take her back to Maggie's," Ruth whispered sleepily, "bring her to see me tomorrow..." with that Ruth let out a snore and fell into a deep sleep. "Come on you," Toby said as he picked up Rachel and held her in her arms, "lets let her get some sleep, we will come back tomorrow." Toby looked at Jay. "I'm going to stay," Jay whispered as he got comfortable next to Ruth and stroked her hair.


	24. Chapter 24

"Here is the box you wanted," Toby said as he put down a shoebox in front of Maggie at the breakfast table. "Thanks," Maggie said as shesmiled at him, "how did you sleep?" Toby nodded his head and smiled. "Well thanks," Toby said as he looked at Rachel who was playing with Charlie on Louis's Xbox, "thank you so much Maggie, you didn't have to take us in." Maggie smiled at him. "Hey, you three deserve a better life and Charlie and I are going to do everything to make that life better, your never ever going to have to go back to that dark place all of you were in."

"Good morning Ruth," Andrew said as he walked in and saw her and Jay just sitting by the window looking out. "Morning," Ruth said as she suddenly hid her face from him. "Why you hiding your face," Andrew said gently as he sat down on the chair at the opposite side of the room. "It's cut," Ruth whispered as Jay took her hand and squeezed it. "I tried... to... kill... myself..." Ruth whispered as she started to shake frantically. "Why did you?" Andrew asked as he looked at her seriously, "what were you feeling?" Ruth looked out the window as a tear slid down her cheek. "I am nothing, I have never been anything, I will always be nothing, I am unlovable, its my fault," Ruth said as she started to scratch her face frantically and hysterically. "Stop this," Jay said as he looked at Andrew, "is this neccessary?"

"Morning Maggie," Zoe said as she walked into the hospital with her normal cup of hot coffee in her hand. "Morning Zoe, you OK?" Maggie asked as she looked at Zoe seriously. "Yeah I am OK, I am good," Zoe said as she smiled at her, " how are things?" Maggie sighed as she shook her head. "Complicated, I'm angry, not at them, but at their parents, they all have been abused, I don't know how for each of them, but they all have, its not right," Maggie said as she stormed into the hospital, "Oh and there is a new Dr coming in to cover for me while Ruth is ill, Dr Keough."

"Why do you feel like your unlovable," Andrew asked as he looked at Ruth as Jay held her arms gently, as blood seeped from her face from when she scratched her face. "I must be, my mum left me, she just left me," Ruth said as her voice cracked with the emotion, "she left me on Christmas Day, I woke up and she was gone, I looked everywhere, even up the chimney, why did she go? I must be unlovable if my own mother didn't love me." Ruth sobbed into her knees as she curled up into a ball.

"I beat you again Charlie," Rachel said laughing as Toby came in and smiled at them, "Rachel we are going to work, so come on you." Rachel nodded and took Tobys hand and smiled. "Let me give you both a lift," Charlie said as he grabbed his keys, "its too cold out there for her without a coat." Rachel smiled at him. "Can I see Ruth again?" Rachel asked as she looked up at Toby pleadingly. "At the end of my shift, if she is feeling OK?" Toby said as he kissed her head and locked up behind them.

"Dad just drunk," Ruth said as she rocked back and forth on the floor as Jay looked at her tears in his own eyes, "he didn't care his wife had just walked out on him, he didn't care about us. He just drank and drank, the tree was gone, the presents had gone, there was no stockings, I looked and there wasn't any, I thought I'd been bad, it was my fault she left, I told her I saw Dad kissing another girl," Ruth whispered as she shut her eyes.

_"You stupid bitch," her dad said as he towered over angrily, his breathe stank off beer and she held her breath trying not to get it up her nostrils. "Daddy I didn't know," Ruth whispered as she looked into his cold blue eyes, "I didn't know she would go." Her dad looked at her and laughed. "Your mum left because she gave birth to stupid fucked up bitch like you," he said as he smacked her across the face hard. _

"I'm nothing but a stupid fucked up bitch," Ruth said as she looked around the room and expected to see her father and flinched when Jay put his hand on hers, "Don't touch me," Ruth whispered as she looked around the room, "please don't hit me." Ruth sobbed loudly. "He hit me, he beat me until I was black and blue, because I'm a stupid bitch who couldn't keep my mouth shut," Ruth sobbed as she started to scratch her face and her arms. "Stop this now," Jay said to Andrew, "your meant to be helping her get better, not get her worked up."

"Toby," Nick said as they entered the ED. "Hey, sorry I'm a bit late," Toby said as he looked around and saw everyone looking at him. "No worries, get yourself into my office and we will have a little chat OK, Charlie do you want to take Rachel into Tess's office and do some paperwork for me, cheers charlie." Charlie nodded as he took Rachel's hand. "Come on you," Charlie said as he took her hand, "fancy a game of snap?" Rachel laughed and nodded. "I love snap," she said laughing loudly, "can I see Ruth then?"

Ruth laid on the floor broken woman sobbing hysterically. Jay hugged her tightly. "Don't push me away," he whispred, "I am not going to hit you, its Jay, not your dad." Ruth looked up at him and sobbed. "Its my fault," she sobbed loudly. "No its not," Jay said as he looked at her lovingly and stroked her cheek, "don't scratch it anymore." Ruth looked at him. "Why, it doesn't matter, I am still ugly, I always have been." Jay looked at her and stroked her face lovingly. "Your not, God your so not, I love you and I love you scars and all, your all I want, you and me girl, I will always protect and look after you." Ruth looked at him and kissed him suddenly.


	25. Chapter 25

"I'm sorry," Ruth said as she stepped back and looked out the window, "you didn't want that." Jay looked at her and stroked her face gently. "Oh I so did," Jay said as he looked at her seriously, "I am madly in love with you Ruth." Ruth looked at him. "You don't know me," Ruth said as she looked at him seriously. "I know more than you think, I think you are scared of people caring for you because you have never had that, Ruth we are going to get you through this, day by day, I love you Dr Winters," Jay said as he kissed her slowly, "I am going to look after you always."

"Ruth," Rachel said as she ran to her as Charlie walked in with her. "Sorry she wouldn't stop going on about you," Charlie said as he hugged Ruth gently, "hey your face, what happened?" Ruth rubbed her face and saw the blood seeping from her wound. "I scractched it," Ruth said as she looked down sadly, "I'm sorry." Charlie pulled her in for a hug. "No need to be sorry," Charlie said as he smiled at her, "lets get some coffees." Rachel smiled up at Ruth as she hugged her tightly. "Ruth, I beat Charlie at Xbox," Rachel said as she rubbed her leg lovingly. Ruth smiled at her as she cuddled her. "Gramps has an Xbox," Jay said laughing, "that surprises me."

"You must be Dr Keough," Zoe said as she walked up to a man looking thoughtful as he tapped the desk with his fingers. "Yep, so where do you want me?" he said as he looked around coldly. "Your in resus with me and Adam," Zoe said taken aback by his shortness. "Well come on then," Dylan said as he walked off hurriedly. "Wow we get rid of one weird doctor and replace her with another," Lenny said as he looked at Noel laughing.

"Hows your arm?" Ruth asked as she sat on the bed and looked at the little girl and smiled at her. "It's OK," Rachel said as she smiled at her, "what happened to your face." Charlie looked at Ruth who nodded. "I hurt it," Ruth said gently as she looked at Jay and sighed. "How?" Rachel asked as she looked at her. "Rachel why don't we let Ruth get some rest," Charlie said as he put his hands on her shoulders. "Its OK Charlie," Ruth said sighing, "I did a very stupid thing and tried to hurt myself." Rachel looked at her. "Rachel kiss you better," Rachel said as she kissed every cut on her face. Ruth hugged her tightly. "Thank you, I feel so much better now," Ruth said as she did a small smile at the girl.

"Did you see Ruth yesterday?" Zoe asked as she saw Jess arrive for work. Jess shook her head. "I am sure she doesn't mean to push you away," Zoe said as she took a drag on her cigeratte and looked at her. "She didn't she was asleep," Jess said as she sighed, "she looked like death as she laid there." Zoe nodded sadly. "Was Jay with her?" Zoe asked as she took a sip of her coffee. Jess shook her head. "I think he was having something to eat," Jess said as she smiled, "anyway I see you inside."

Rachel looked at her and then at Jay. "What you staring at Missy?" Jay asked as he started to tickle her. Rachel started to giggle loudly. "Stop it," she said as she giggled loudly. Ruth sat on the bed and watched them practically tickling each other to death. Tears silently rolled down her cheeks and then she let out a huge sob as she felt her heart being broken into two. "Hey babe," Jay said as he ran to her and put his arms around her. "Can you take her to the park," Ruth said as she sighed between each sob. Jay nodded as he kissed her head. "I'll be back later OK," Jay whispered as he picked up Rachel, "lets go Rachy."

"So Toby, how you coping?" Nick asked as he looked at him seriously. "I'm fine," Toby said as he looked at him, "honestly I am fine, Ruth is in the best place she can be to get help, Jay, Maggie, Charlie and myself will help with Rachel when we aren't in shifts." Nick nodded and smiled at him. "Good, now I want you to know that you can have some off if you need too, you can go and visit Ruth when we are quiet, we are all behind you," Nick said as he opened the door back up, "now you call if you need anything."

"I just wish she didn't have a father like him," Ruth said as she looked up suddenly and Charlie put down his paper and smiled at her. "We will sort your brother out, he can't get away with assulting Rachel and murdering his wife, its not on Ruth," Charlie said seriously as he looked at her. "You can't call the police on Jonathon, he will rip you to shreds, he will get you back, if he finds me and Toby," Ruth whispered as her voice quivered with emotion, "we will be dead." Ruth turned and looked at him dead in the eye. "I'm scared Charlie, I'm scared for her, I look at her and I see myself, it starts with an arm broken and before you know it your being pushed in front of moving cars and them trying to drown you in the bath, she isn't going back, I'll look after her." Ruth looked at him determined.

"Jay where do you think your going?" Tess asked as she looked at him hands on her hips as she stared at him, "we need you working." Jay sighed as he took Rachels hand and led her to the staff room. "Sorry Rachy," Jay said as he got changed into his scrubs, "work calls." Rachel nodded. "Its OK Jay," Rachel said as she looked down sadly, "I'll just sit here and wait for you to finish." Jay smiled at her and kissed her head and gave her a fiver. "If your hungry, go to the vending machine and get yourself something to eat and a drink," Jay said as he looked at her smiling as he also chucked her a DS. Her eyes lit up happily. "Oh wow cheers," Rachel said as she turned it on and smiled, "thank you." Jay ruffled her hair. "No worries," Jay said as he walked out smiling to himself.

"Ruth let me, Maggie, Toby and Jay sort Rachel out for the moment," Charlie said as he looked at her seriously, "you need to get better first." Ruth looked at him and nodded as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I didn't mean to tell him," Ruth blurted out suddenly, "I saw him a kissing another girl, it wasn't mum, I thought I was doing the right thing, then she left," Ruth said as she looked at him tears in her eyes, "its my fault, if I kept my gob shut she would still be here." Charlie hugged her tightly. "It isn't your fault, you were like five?" Charlie said as he looked at her seriously, "your dad shouldn't of blamed you." Ruth looked at him. "He beat me black and blue, and Jonathon just stood and laughed," Ruth said as she got up and looked at him.

Jonathon walked into the flat high and drunk and looked around. "Rachel come and give your daddy a cuddle, come on Rachy," Jonathon said as he flopped down on the sofa. Silence. "Chantelle, Rachel," Jonathon said he stood up, "where the hell are you?" He punched the wall in frustration. "YOU BITCH," he screamed as he walked out of the flat.


	26. Chapter 26

Maggie walked in and smiled as she saw Charlie hugging Ruth tightly as she sobbed on his shoulder. "How was today," Maggie whispered as she cuddled her tightly, "hey the first session is always hard." Ruth nodded slowly as she looked at her. "This isn't my fault is it?" Ruth asked as she stood up as she looked at them, "This is my families fault, they made me like this." Ruth walked up and down and looked out the window and saw Rachel walking around by the ambulances as Jay hid behind one as they played hide and seek. She smiled as she saw them and turned to look at them both. "Thank you both so much," Ruth whispered as she smiled at them.

"Come on then Rachy," Jay said as he panted breathlessly, "you have worn me out." Rachel laughed as she jumped into his arms and cuddled him tightly and then suddenly burst into tears on his shoulder. "Hey whats the matter?" Jay asked as he stroked her hair. "I want my mummy and Ruth," Rachel said as she sobbed. "Hey I'll take you up to see Ruth now OK?" Jay said as he kissed her lovingly on the head. "I wish you were my daddy," Rachel said mufffled as she had her face on his shoulder.

Charlie left to start his shift and Maggie sat next to Ruth and gave her the shoe box that Toby had given her earlier. "What's this?" Ruth asked as she looked at her. "They said you should have somethings from home here, some memories," Maggie said as she looked at her gently, "if this is too painful for you, we can stop." Ruth nodded as she opened the lid and smiled slightly as she found her plastic Drs stethoscope. She picked it up and sighed. "Toby bought this for me," Ruth said as she didn't notice Andrew sit down in the corner writing notes, "it was my sixth birthday, it was a set, it was a big plastic Dr, with this and plastic pots and all sorts, I loved it, then Dad smashed it, threw it against the wall." She shuddered as she closed her eyes.

_"Look Daddy,"Ruth said as she showed him the plastic doctor set, "Toby bought it for me look, I 'm going to be a doctor." He looked at her angrily. "I AM TRYING TO WATCH THE TELLY," he shouted at her, "CAN'T YOU KEEP YOUR NOISE DOWN." Ruth's lip wobbled as she looked at him. "Its my birthday," she sniffed as she wiped her eyes slowly. "I know it was the worst day of my life when you were born," he said as he threw the bottle of beer at the wall, "so shut your trap." He picked up the plastic Dr and threw it at the wall and it smashed into thousands of pieces and then punched Ruth in the stomach. _

Jay looked at Rachel as they stood at the vending machine. "What chocolate bar you want?" Jay asked as he picked up his Decker. "Whispa and one for Ruth please," Rachel said as she did her biggest smile at him. "You are such a good and brave girl you know," Jay said as he cuddled her. "Am I?" Rachel asked as she ran up the stairs, "come on Jay, I know you want to see Ruth," Rachel said winking at him. Jay laughed as he ran after her.

"He broke it, he punched me," Ruth said as tears rolled her face, "except for this, i treasured it, I used to try and hear Toby's chest." Maggie smiled at her as he hugged her tightly. Ruth picked up her Barbie which had no hair and she sobbed loudly as she hugged it. "Jonathon cut its hair off," Ruth whispered as she looked down, "I shouldn't be upset it happened years ago." Maggie rubbed her shoulder. "What happened to your Barbie?" Maggie asked gently.

"Shhh," Jay said as he stood outside and saw Ruth and Maggie deep in conversation with tears rolling down Ruth's face, but he could tell she wasn't angry like this morning, she was calm, she had her eyes shut the whole time just reliving it. "Why is Auntie crying?" Rachel asked as Jay poked his head near the door so he could hear. "You know I said she was ill?" Jay asked as he bent down towards Rachel, "well she is talking about why she is ill." Rachel nodded sadly. "Are you being nosy?" Rachel asked as she smiled at him. Jay laughed at her and nodded.

"I was playing with Barbie and Ken, you know the shaving Ken," Ruth said as she picked up the Ken from the box and looked at Maggie her piercing blue eyes staring at her, "I asked Jonathon to find me the razer and he wouldn't he was high on something, I got high just smelling him, I kept going on and on about him finding the razor and then he got up and he came back with a razor and cut my arm with it and wiped the blood with the hair of the Barbie, he cut her hair to hide the blood from Toby." Ruth looked down and lifted her top up to show Maggie the scar on her side.

_"That hurt," Ruth said as she looked at Jonathon with tears in her eyes, "I'm bleeding." Jonathon looked at her as he threw her plastic scethescope at her. "You want to be a doctor so fix it," Jonathon sneered at her, "stop your sniffing and get me my beer." Ruth stood up and wiped her eyes and ran into the kitchen and wiped her wound with a grotty tea towl. _

Maggie hugged her tightly. "He had no right to do that to you," Maggie said as she looked at her seriously, "that was not your fault." Ruth nodded as she wiped her eyes with her sleeve and sighed. "It felt good Maggie, it realised my pain and my sorrow," Ruth said as she looked at her tears brimming her eyes. "I've been self harming for about 5 years," Ruth admitted suddenly as she looked at her, "it helps me cope." Maggie nodded as she looked at her. "Now you don't have to do that, you have us to support you, no one is going to hurt you here and at mine OK?" Maggie said as she stroked her hair as Ruth smiled as she took out her Coca-Cola Christmas truck.

"Holidays are coming, Holidays are coming," Ruth whispered as she smiled wildly at Maggie, "always coca-cola." Maggie chuckled as she looked at the truck. "This was the last Christmas present mum got me," Ruth said smiling at Maggie, "I treasure it for life." Maggie smiled at her as Ruth put the truck by the side of her bed. "When Christmas's were happy," she whispered as she looked at her, "before I ruined it."

"I think you have had enough for today," Maggie whispered as she hugged her tightly. Ruth nodded at her and smiled at her. "Thank you so much," Ruth whispered as she looked at her. Maggie kissed her head. "I am so proud of you," Maggie whispered as she smiled at her, "now lets get you some dinner." Ruth nodded as she saw Jay standing there waving a wispa bar at her. she laughed at him as she waved at him to come in. "Ruth," Rachel said as she ran in happily, "I've missed you." Ruth kissed her and hugged her. "I've missed you too," Ruth said as she cuddled her.

Jonathon walked through the ED and saw Toby from the corner of his eye and he smiled at him. "Alright Brother," Jonathon said as he smirked at him high, "wheres my daughter?"


	27. Chapter 27

"Jonathon," he stuttered as he looked at him as he stared at him in shock. "I'll ask you again, where is my daughter," Jonathon said as he stared at him angrily, "I come home and find my wife and my kid gone." Toby looked at him. "What wife and daughter, shouldn't you be in prison?" Toby asked as he walked backwards stuttering slighly.

"Are you feeling better today?" Ruth asked as she looked at Rachel as she played with her sling. Rachel nodded at her as she smiled. "Jay and I played hide and seek," Rachel said smiling at her, "then his boss shouted at him." Ruth let out a laugh. "I saw you both, hiding behind ambulances," Ruth said as she let out a chuckle at him. Jay laughed. "Tess didn't find it amusing," Jay said as he sat down and took out the chocolate and gave it to her. "My favourite," Ruth said as she smiled at him. "It's mine too Ruth," Rachel said as she smiled at her.

"Never heard of good behaviour?" Jonathon asked as he smirked at him. Toby shook his head at him. "Good behaviour, you shot someone to death," Toby exclaimed at him. "Shouldn't of tried to stop me then should they," Jonathon said as he shrugged his shoulders, "so where is my wife and my kid Tob?" Toby looked at him. "What you talking about?" Toby asked as he looked at him, "and I happen to be working Jonathon."

"Rachel," Ruth said suddenly as she looked at her. "Yes Auntie," Rachel said as she smiled at her. "Your never going to go back to your dad," Ruth said as she stood up as she took the girls hand determendly and took her to the window as Jay stood at the window and smiled up at them both. "Your dad hurt me a lot when I was little, he hit me, punched me, cut me, and I don't want him to hurt you like how he has hurt me, you don't want to end up like me, cold and unlovable," Ruth said as she stroked Rachels hair lovingly, "I don't want you to think like that." Rachel shook her head. "I don't, daddy did hurt me, but only when he drank," Rachel said sadly as she looked down, "he used to punch me to shut me up he said." Ruth hugged her tightly and looked out the window coldly. "Never again," Ruth whispered in her ear, "I will never let him again."

"Oh look at you, I'm working," Jonathon said as he stood up and looked at Toby, "I'm not leaving until you help me find my wife and my kid." Toby looked at him going red with anger. "Your wife? The wife you left to go to prison for?" Toby asked him annoyed, "I take it she was pregnant when you got sent down." Jonathon laughed. "Aren't you clever?" he said laughing at him as he looked at him, "so where are they?" Toby looked at him. "I don't know, I've never met them have I? How did you know I was here?" Toby asked as he turned back round and looked at him.

Rachel looked at him and smiled. "I will never let him hurt you too Ruth," Rachel said as she looked out the window, "but where will I live." Ruth looked at her seriously. "With me," Ruth said seriously, "I don't know when I will get out of here, but when I get out, it will be me and you against the world." Rachel giggled loudly. "And Jay?" Rachel whispered in her ear and looked at her. Ruth laughed as she looked at her. "We'll see," Ruth said as she sighed, "come on you lets eat some lunch."

"Your big brother always knows where you two are," Jonathon said seriously, "Chantelle was at home, I remember her taken ill and this is the hospital nearest to our flat." Toby looked at him and sighed. "Jonathon, I don't know OK," Toby said as he looked at him going red and looking away. "You've always been a rubbish liar," Jonathon said as he got closer to him, "I am going to ask you one more time, where is my wife and child."

Ruth sat in silence as her lunch came from the canteen she pulled a face at Jay and Rachel and pushed it away. "I'd rather not," Ruth said as she looked at Rachel, "its like gloop." Rachel giggled and looked at her and then at Jay. "I reckon Jay should get us pizza," Rachel said seriously. "Do you now?" Jay asked laughing as he stood up and took his wallet out. Rachel nodded. "What pizza do you like?" Jay asked to Rachel. "Margaretia," Rachel said as she looked at Ruth. "That's my favourite too," Ruth said smiling at her.

"She died," Toby screamed at him angrily, "you killed your wife, what did you do to her? Beat her? Push her?" Jonathon looked at him his mouth open in shock. "Your lying Tob, she ain't dead, she has survived through worse," Jonathon said looking at him. "She is dead, heroin overdose, she was black and blue from punch marks, probably caused by you," Toby said seriously, "I want you to get out right now and not come back." Jonathon looked at him seriously. "Where is my daughter," Jonathon said as he looked at him angrily, "Where is Rachel?" Toby looked at him. "As far away from you as possible, now you get out of here, and out of my face, I never want to see you again," Toby said as he took his wallet out and gave him some money, "take this and get out of town." Jonathon smacked his arm away and the money fell to the floor as he grabbed Toby roughly. "Where is my daughter?" he whispered in his ear evily.

"Are you sick is that why you are in hospital?" Rachel asked as she looked at Ruth as they sat on the bed. Ruth nodded as she looked at her. "I'm not physically sick, but mentally," Ruth said as she looked at her, "I have bi polar." Rachel looked at her confused. "Is it a disease, will you die?" Rachel asked as tears filled her eyes. "No I won't die," Ruth said as she hugged her, "Its part of the depression family, which means I am sad at times, I may get angry and upset and sometimes cold, and I don't mean it." Rachel nodded at her and smiled. "I'll make you warm again Ruth, and happy," Rachel said as she looked up at her seriously. "You already have," Ruth said as she smiled at her.

"Away from you," Toby said as he looked at him seriously, "so I would let go if I was you." Jonathon laughed in his ear. "What you going to do?" Jonathon asked laughing, "going to hit me with your scethescope?" Toby looked at him. "Yeah I might do," Toby said seriously, "but I know for a fact that you are not going to see Rachel again." He slammed Toby against the wall of the staff room and looked at him. "WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER?" he screamed at him as he practically spat in his face. "Toby mate," Jay said as he walked into the staff room.

"I get sad sometimes," Rachel said as she looked at Ruth, "I don't have a mummy anymore, or a daddy and I would really really like too, ones that dont argue much, or fight and hit each other and me, ones who take me places." Ruth looked at her and smiled. "I wish I had a mum and dad too to do that with me," Ruth said as she smiled at her, "but I can promise you that you have an uncle and auntie that will always be there." Rachel shook her head. "You and Jay," Rachel said suddenly, "Uncle Toby is nice but you and Jay are nicer."

"Do you mind?" Jonathon asked as he looked at Jay, "we are having a private conversation." Jay looked at him and sighed. "Actually I do mind, your roughing up my mate, and in here is for staff only," Jay said as he looked at him seriously, "and Toby and I are going out for a pizza." Jonathon smirked at him. "Gay, I always thought you were a little bit queer," Jonathon said as he looked at him laughing. Jay looked at him and laughed. "Me and him gay? No no, I am going out with his sister," Jay said as he looked at him seriously. "Little Ruthie has a boyfriend," Jonathon said as he let go of Toby and looked at Jay. Toby looked at Jay and shook his head. "Wrong thing to say," he mouthed as he rubbed his arm.

"Jay has to ask me out first," Ruth said as she looked at Rachel. "He will," Rachel said as she smiled at her. Ruth smiled at her. "Why don't we go for a walk?" Ruth asked Rachel as she saw the winters sun set. Rachel nodded and held her hand. "We can go and find Jay and have a picnic with the pizzas?" she said excitedly as she ran out the room.

"Where is my sister?" Jonathon said as he looked at them both, "its been so long and I would love to catch up and where is my daughter?" Jay walked towards Jonathon and looked at him coldly. "Your not going anywhere near Ruth or Rachel ever again you got that," Jay said as he looked at Jonathon seriously. "And what has this got to do with you?" Jay walked towards him angrily. "Its got everything to do with me when the girls I love get hurt, now I suggest you leave before I call security." Jonathon looked at him and laughed as he walked towards the door. "I'll be back," Jonathon said as he looked at them as he walked out.


	28. Chapter 28

Ruth and Rachel were waiting outside as they looked around and smiled at each other. "Where is he?" Rachel asked as she looked at her little barbie watch. "Jay is always late," Ruth said as she looked at her as she felt people staring at her she started to shake as the nerves took over her body. Rachel looked up at her and smiled at her. "We could have a picnic indoors Ruth?" Rachel asked as she looked at her smiling, "its cold anyway." Ruth smiled at her and nodded. "I'm sorry," she mumbled as she ran into the hospital and bumped into someone.

jessica and Zoe laughed as Zoe was out on her fag break. "If you see that new Dr tell me, he is so weird," Zoe said as she looked at Jessica and smiled, "he thinks he is like the God of doctors, I thought Nick was bad." Jessica laughed as she looked at Zoe. "I need to go and see Ruth today, see how she is," Jessica said as she looekd at her, "why don't you come?" Zoe nodded her head at her as she put out her fag and looked at her. "Sure, don't know if she will respond to us," Zoe said as they walked back towards the entrance.

"Rachel," Jonathon said as he went to grab her arm roughly but she hid behind Ruth and held onto her coat bottom as hard as she could with one arm. "Ruthie, give me my daughter," Jonathon whispered to her as he grabbed her arm she winced in pain as he touched her open wounds. "Never," Ruth whispered as she looked at him with grit and determination in her eyes. "Ruthie, I am warning you I want my daughter back," Jonathon said as he grabbed her by the throat and looked at her with such anger she gasped. "OI," they heard someone shout.

"Jess go and get Maggie and Charlie," Zoe said as she stormed over to Ruth as Jonathon was about to land a punch on her. "I suggest you put that fist down," Zoe said as she walked over to them furiously, "now before I call the police." Ruth looked at him with fear in her eyes and waited for the fist to connect to her face but instead he let go and left the hospital. "Ruthie I'll be back for my daughter," Jonathon shouted out as her as Ruth looked around and started to breathe heavily and started to shake. Ruth looked at Rachel and hugged her as she carried on breathing heavily. "Are you OK?" Ruth asked worredly. Zoe looekd at her as Maggie ran up to her. "Ruth what happened?" Maggie asked concerned as she looked at her worriedly.

"Get me out of here," Ruth said as she looked around at everyone looking at her, "I want to get out of here, everyone is looking at me." She covered her face with her arms as she started to breathe heavily as she gasped for breath. "Ruth," Rachel asked concerned as she looked at Ruth worriedly, "Maggie daddy found me." Maggie looked at Rachel and hugged her tightly. "Zoe can you please help me get Ruth upstairs to her room, Jessica can you take Rachel to Jay and Toby and tell Charlie I will be upstairs with Ruth, Rachel don't you worry about your daddy, I will protect you all OK?" Rachel nodded as she rubbed her eyes.

"Toby are you alright man?" Jay asked as he looked at his friend concerned. Toby nodded his head at him. "If Ruth knew he was here, she would go mental mate," Toby said as he looked at him seriously. "She won't know, they both won't know, I am going to protect them," Jay said as he looked at him seriously. "Too late," Jess said suddenly as she walked into the staff room, "she bumped into him outside, she is very distressed." Rachel ran into Jay's arms sobbing. "Daddy hurt Ruth and its my fault," Rachel said sobbing on Jay's shoulder.

Jay ran out of the staff room carrying Rachel tightly in his arms. "Maggie's taken her upstairs to her room," Zoe said as she put a hand on Jay's shoulder, "she's had a panic attack." Jay looked at Zoe and nodded. "What happened? If he laid one finger on them," Jay said as he looked at Zoe seriously. "He had his hands on Ruth's neck," Rachel said as she looked at Jay with tears brimming her eyes. Jay stroked her hair gently and lovingly. "Never again," Jay whispered in her ear as he kissed her head, "Jay will always protect you two now."

"Ok Ruth breathe deeply for me," Maggie said as she rubbed her back gently as she put a paper bag over Ruths mouth, "in and out, slowly does it." Ruth looked up at her fear in her eyes as her lungs felt they were going to explode with the air she was struggling to take in. "Rachel," she panted worriedly, "where is she?" Maggie stroked her hair gently. "Rachel is with Jay, she is OK, calm yourself down and we will bring her up here when your calm and when I've checked you over, OK?" Maggie asked as she looked at her seriously, "Jonathon isn't going to go anywhere near you two again."

"Are you OK?" Jay asked as she looked at her seriously, "did he touch you? Lenny can you come and look at Rachel for me please?" Lenny nodded as he came over. "Right then madam, lets have a look at you," Lenny said as he listened to her chest, "breathe in, breathe out." Jay held Rachels hand tightly as she looked at him. "Mate, she is seriously underweight," Lenny said as Rachel stepped off the weighing scales and looked at him. "Don't worry, I'll fatten her up," Jay said as he produced a whispa from his pocket and gave it to her. "Thanks Jay," Rachel said as she smiled at him, "Can I go and see Ruth now?"

"Everyone was there," Ruth said as she looked around panicking, "everyone saw what a messed up family I have, everyone is now talking about me agan, see that Dr Winters shes a fuck up, she has people betting on her to sleep with her then she goes and tops herself after her dad dies, even her mother couldn't bare to be near her, stupid bitch, unlovable." Maggie looked at her and knew that there hard work had been undone by Jonathons return.

Jay walked in and saw Ruth facing the wall as she laid on the bed. "Ruth," Jay whispered as he sat on the bed as Maggie watched from the corner. He was met with silence. "Ruth," Rachel said as she ran to her and hugged her. Ruth stroked her hair gently and kissed her head. "I'm sorry," Ruth mumbled to her as she looked at her her big blue eyes shining with tears threatening to fall. Rachel looked at her. "I will go back to daddy if it means you'll be safe," Rachel said as she looked at him seriously. "No!" Ruth exclaimed at her, "no way, I am going to look after you with Toby, no way are you going back to him." Rachel nodded as she hugged him tightly. "Ruth, can I ask Jay the question," Rachel whispered in her ear. Ruth looked at Jay and nodded her head at her. "What ever happens I'm your mum now," Ruth whispered in her ear.

Rachel looked at Jay and then at Ruth who patted the bed for Jay to come and sit down. Jay sat down confused. "You know we kissed," Ruth whispered as she looked at him going bright pink in the cheek, "what did that mean to you?" Jay looked at her and took her hand. "Everything, you are everything to me," Jay said as he looked at her, "I know I hurt you with the bet, I promise that was before I knew you and before I fell for you hook line and sinker." Ruth looked at him and smiled at him. "I am going to be Rachel's mum," Ruth whispered as she looked towards the window im embarressment at what she was about to tell him. "Would you be my daddy?" Rachel blurted out suddenly.


	29. Chapter 29

Jay looked at Rachel opened mouthed and then at Ruth who looked at him worriedy. "I mean its OK if you don't want too," Ruth said suddenly, "I mean who wants to be with me and help me bring her up while I am in here, but Maggie and I have spoken and I think I can cope with help from you, Tobes and Maggie and Charlie." Jay looked at her and did a great big smile at her and took her hand. "Hey i would be my pleasure," Jay said as he took Rachel's hand and bought her in for a hug. "Really?" Ruth and Rachel said with big beaming smiles on there faces.

"Can we come in?" Jessica asked as her and Zoe poked their heads around the door. Ruth hid her face suddenly as she got up and faced the window. "Thank you for today," Ruth mumbled as she didn't turn to look at them. "As long as your OK?" Zoe asked as she walked in and sat on the bed, "we miss you downstairs." Ruth still looking at the window nodded her head. "I'm fine, suppose everyone is talking about me downstairs," Ruth said as she turned around and faced them her eyes looking at them coldly. "Only if your OK," Zoe said as she smiled at her, "we care about you, your part of the team." Ruth snorted at this and turned around. "No your all laughing at me because I am messed up and from a messed up family," Ruth said as she turned away again biting her thumb as Maggie stood up. She pulled her into a hug. "Don't touch me," Ruth said as she looked away from her and stormed into the bathroom.

"Sorry girls," Maggie said as she looked at Jessica, "its going to take time." Jessica and Zoe nodded as they sat down and smiled at her. "We understand," Jessica said as he looked at her, "if we can do anything." Maggie nodded as she looked at them. "I want to ring the police," Maggie said as she looked at Jay, "I am not having him intimidating Toby, Ruth and Rachel, its not happening not to my family." Jay nodded his head. "I am not having him anywhere near my girls," Jay said as he kissed Rachel's head gently. Rachel looked at him sadly and then at the bathroom.

"She will be OK," Jay whispered in her ear, "remember I said mummy was ill, and will be having bad times as well as good?" Rachel nodded her head sadly. "Is she having a bad time because she is now my mummy?" Rachel asked as she hugged him tightly. "No, no of course not," Jay said as he rubbed her tears away with his thumb, "Mummy is just very scared and very sad at the moment and Daddy is going to do everything to make her happy." Jay smiled at her as he kissed her. "Now how about pizza?" Jay asked as he looked at Rachel as he stood up. "No Daddy, don't leave," Rachel said as she stood up and hugged him tightly.

"I'll go," Jessica said as she looked at Jay and smiled at him, "I need to get some fresh air." Jay looked at her and smiled. "Thank you Jess," Jay said as he hugged Rachel tightly and smiled at her, "I am not going anywhere." Rachel nodded her head as she looked at him. "I need to go home though daddy," Rachel said suddenly as she looked at him. "Why?" Jay asked concerned, "thought you wanted to stay with me and Ruth." Rachel looked at him. "I need my clothes," Rachel said as she looked down sadly. "Don't worry, I'll sort that out OK?" Jay asked as he kissed her head as he knocked on the bathrooms door.

"Babe are you OK?" Jay asked concerned as he looked at Maggie. "Talk to her," Maggie whispered to him, "she needs to talk not freeze up." Ruth did a fake laugh. "Are you seriously asking me that Jay?" Ruth asked as she looked in the mirror and saw her bruised and bloody face from when she cut it to pieces she burst into tears and started to slap the mirror hard. "Ruth are you OK, let me in please," Jay asked worriedly as he looked at Maggie worriedly. "Look at me Jay, I am ugly," Ruth said as she picked up a toilet roll and threw it at the mirror, "look what I have done to myself, why did you have to save me, why won't you just let me go?"

Rachel looked at Jay and then looked at the door and walked towards it and banged on it hard. "Mummy, your so beautiful, I hope when I grow up I look just like you," Rachel said as she looked at Jay who kissed her head, "please come out, don't be scared, I'll look after you." Ruth opened the door and looked at her and hugged her so tightly she winced slightly. "Sorry," Ruth mumbled at her, "I just got scared."

"I am not very good with people," she whispered as she looked down at her feet. "You don't say," Zoe said as she smiled at her, "but we are here for you." Ruth nodded as she sat down on the bed in silence. "Where is Toby?" Ruth asked as she looked around in a panic, "is he OK?" Maggie stroked her hair gently and kissed her head. "He is OK, he is just finishing his shift then he will be up," Maggie said as she looked at her seriously, "calm down your OK." Ruth nodded as she looked at her. "Thanks for coming Zoe," she whispered suddenly as she looked at the Dr in front of her. Zoe smiled at her and stood up. "No worries, Jess and I will come and see you tomorrow OK?" Zoe asked as she stood up as Jess walked in and put the pizzas down on the table. "I'd like that," Ruth whispered as she looked at her hands nervously.

"Pizza time," Toby said as he walked in rubbing his hands. Ruth run up off the bed and flung his arms around him and hugged him tightly. "Are you OK?" Ruth asked worriedly, "I am so sorry." Toby looked at her and nodded. "He didn't hurt me, he tried to but thanks to Jay he didn't, are you OK? Did he touch you, because I swear to God I'll kill him," Toby said as he looked at her seriously. "No, he didn't, and Toby no offence but your hardly Mike Tyson," Ruth said as she smiled up at her elder brother. "Oi you," Toby said smiling, "right lets get some food eh?" Charlie walked in smiling. "Sounds good to me, knackered after today, hope you got me a peperoni?" Ruth let out a big smile and hugged Toby even tighter.


	30. Chapter 30

Ruth yawned as she loked up at the ceiling and then saw Jay asleep in the corner of the room as Rachel slept calmly next to her. She gently sat up and saw those big brown chocolate eyes look at her, the eyes that she had grown to love. "Morning," he smiled as he stood up and looked at her smiling, "how you feeling?" Ruth nodded her head and looked at him. "Did you stay here all night?" Ruth asked as she looked at him. Jay nodded as he looked at him. "My girls need looking after, and before you say you don't, you do, and I am not going anywhere, how many times you may push me away, I am here," Jay said as he looked at her seriously.

"Morning Toby," Maggie said as she kissed him on the head, "whose birthday is it?" She pointed to the card on the table and the present lying next to it. "Ruth's," Toby said as he smiled at her, "I'm going to make sure today is the best day of her life, her best birthday." Maggie looked at him. "Charlie get down here now," Maggie shouted up the stairs to her husband, "we need to go into town before work to get some presents." Charlie came down and sighed at her. "What for?" Charlie asked as he looked at her seriously. "It's Ruth's birthday," Maggie said as she grabbed the car keys, "come on Tobes, we will give you a lift." Toby nodded as he grabbed the card and present and ran out the door. "Don't I even get breakfast?" Charlie asked sighing as he followed them out, "I guess not."

"Morning Miss Winters," Andrew said as he walked into her room, "time for your medication." Ruth looked at him and scowled. "I am not kid, you don't need to talk down to me," Ruth said as she picked up her water and looked at him, "so if you have the pill I will take it and then you can go." Andrew looked at her and shook his head. "Sorry Ruth, not today, you have therapy in the morning, then downstairs with the others for group therapy," Andrew said as he looked at her, "then the evenings to yourself." Ruth looked at him and sighed. "This is prison," Ruth whispered as she looked at Jay seriously, "what about Rachel?"

"Balloons, whats the occasions?" Adam asked as Toby walked in with balloons and gift bags. "Ruth's birthday," Toby said smiling, "she needs cheering up." Adam nodded. "I couldn't agree more with you," Adam said as he smiled at him, "don't you agree Jess?" Jess smiled at Adam and nodded. "We will be up later, Zoe and I, for a coffee," Jess said as she smiled at him. Adam nodded. "She might not talk much," Toby said as he looked at them seriously, "I'll just go and put these in her room if thats OK?" Adam nodded his head.

"Jay this place is doing my head in," Ruth said as she walked around the room annoyed, "I suppose I deserve it, I am here because I am a fuck up isn't it?" Jay looked at her and shook his head. "Your not, Ruth please don't say that, your not, the only fuck ups are your family, not you," Jay said as he put his forhead on hers, "you are the most beautiful and intelligant person i know." Ruth looked at him and suddenly lent in and snogged him passionately.

"Dr Hanna," Dylan said as he looked at her seriously, "are you planning to do any work today?" Zoe looked at him. "Are you planning on acting human today Dr Keough?" Dylan looked at her and and sighed. "Patient for you in cubicles, Nurse Faldren is late again," Dylan said as he looked at her seriously. "His girlfriend is ill, have some compassion, or shall I look up the word for you in the dictionary," Zoe said as she looked at him seriously. "That's why you don't mix business with pleasure, now come on lets get a move on," Dylan said as he walked off towards resus.

Jay gently pushed her against the wall and kissed down her neck slowly. "Jay," she moaned as she pulled his T-shirt over his head. "Ruth, you sure?" Jay asked as he looked at her with such love and affection. Ruth nodded as she looked at him. "Please don't ever hurt me," Ruth said as she looked at him vulnerably tears falling slowly from her eyes, "or Rachel." Jay looked at her and kissed her slowly. "I love you Ruth, I love Rachel, I am never going to hurt you, not again," Jay said as he wiped her tears away with his thumb. Ruth led him into the bathroom and smiled at him nervously as she looked at Rachel who was still sound asleep in the bed.

"Ruth," Toby said as he walked into the room and saw Rachel fast asleep in her bed. "Coming," Ruth said as she straightened her hair in the middle and winced when she touched one of her wounds. "Your beautiful," Jay whispered in her ear as he walked out the door and saw Toby looking at him confused. "Alright Toby, what are those balloons for? She hasn't given birth you know mate," Jay said laughing as he looked at him. "No you wally," Toby said as he looked at him, "its her birthday today." Jay looked at him annoyed. "And you didn't tell me this information before because?" Jay asked as he looked at him annoyed, "oh man, I need to go shopping now."

"Morning sleepy head," Ruth said as she came out the bathroom and saw Rachel yawn and sit up in bed. "Morning mummy," Rachel said as she cuddled her tightly. "Happy birthday sis," Toby said as he kissed her head, "I'll be back up tonight OK, have some dinner etc." Ruth looked at him seriously. "Toby, I hate birthdays, whats so special about birthdays eh?" Ruth said as she looked at him seriously, "its just another day." Toby looked at her seriously. "What special about today is its the day the best sister in the world was born," Toby said as he kissed her head gently, "now you do what your told today by Andrew." Ruth looked at him and nodded. "Yes Dad," Ruth said as she shooed him out of the door.

"Right Ruth," Andrew said as he walked back in the room, "its time to start your day, I'm going to have to ask your boyfriend and niece to leave now." Ruth looked at Jay and sighed nervously. "Don't worry," Jay whispered as he kissed her head lovingly, "you can do this, I believe in you." Ruth looked at him and nodded. "I just wish I believed in myself," Ruth said as she looked at him seriously, "can you take Rachel today?" Jay nodded as he smiled at her. "Of course I can, its my day off today, so we can go out for the day," Jay said as he smiled at her, "she can meet me nan and my sisters." Ruth looked at him worriedly. "I'd rather she didn't Jay," Ruth said seriously, "I mean what will they say?" Jay sighed at her. "Trust me," Jay said as he picked up Rachel, "give mummy a kiss and we will see her later."

"Where we going daddy?" Rachel asked as she looked up at Jay as she held his hand tightly as she looked up at him. "Shopping, Daddy needs to buy mummy a present, and so do you," Jay said as he looked at her seriously, "and we need to buy you a coat, some warm clothes etc." Rachel looked at him happily. "Thank you Daddy," Rachel said as she hugged him tightly, "mummy needs to have the best birthday ever." Jay looked at her smiling. "She does, and I am going to make sure she does, so coming Rachy," Jay said as he looked at her happily as they got out of the lift in the middle of the ED.

"Alright Jay lad," Big Mac said as he looked at his mate carrying Rachel, "what you doing here on your day off?" Lenny looked at him and then at Jay and laughed. "Do you need to ask Big Mac, he is in love, I bet he stayed the night with a certain Dr Winters," Lenny said as he looked at him laughing. "Yeah I did for your information, and you guys ain't going to ruin it this time," Jay said seriously as he walked off towards the entrance, "and for your information I am going shopping to get Ruth a birthday present and my daughter some new clothes." Big Mac looked at Lenny confused. "Did he just say daughter?" Big Mac said as he looked at him shocked.

"So Ruth, how you feeling today on a scale of one to ten," Andrew said as Ruth took a seat next to her. "Is that necessary?" Ruth asked as she looked at him annoyed, "I am just telling you numbers." Andrew looked at her and shut up his book and sighed. "Ruth, you need to do this so we can asses you," Andrew said as he looked at her seriously. "You have told me whats wrong, I'm a manic depressive, I am bi polar, I am Dr Ruth Winters, cold hearted bitch," Ruth said as she looked at him coldly, "am I right?" Andrew looked at her. "Why don't you tell me what made you act like that?" Andrew said as he looked at her seriously.

"What to get mummy?" Jay asked as he walked into the shopping centre and looked at Rachel seriously. "What does mummy like?" Rachel asked as she lookd at him seriously, "does she like colouring in like I do?" Jay looked at her and laughed. "I don't think so, but I will get you some OK?" Jay said as he looked at her smiling, "I was thinking Jewellery?" Rachel nodded her head. "Mummy, my old one, used to love necklaces and rings Daddy," Rachel said as she looked at him seriously. "I know," Jay said suddenly as he picked her up and kissed her, "oh I have just had the best idea ever."

"Act like what a cold hearted bitch?" Ruth asked as she looked at him seriously, "maybe because thats all I have ever been since I was five, drummed into me that is all I will be." Andrew looked at her and nodded his head to signal to continue. "OK you want to know about me I tell you, I am Ruth Winters, I have wanted to be a doctor since I was 5 years old and I spent a day in A&E with a fractured wrist from my dad pushing me down the stairs, how my Dad beat me over and over again, along with my mother for money for booze and drugs," Ruth said as she paced up and down angrily, "how my mother was having an affair to get away from him and I told Dad, I didn't know it wasn't part of being married, I was 5 years old, Mum left on Christmas Day, I woke up and she was gone, I was a bad and naughty girl and thats why Santa gave me nothing, because I am nothing, I always have been and I always will be."

Jay picked up the bags and smiled at Rachel. "Now time to get you a new wardrobe," Jay said as he looked at her seriously, "you can't live in those clothes for ever, your going to get pretty smelly," Jay said as he wrinkled his nose up at her laughing. "OK Daddy, but if you want I can go to my old house and get clothes," Rachel said as she looked at him seriously, "its a lot of money clothes are, old Daddy said he had better things to spend his money on than on a stupid bitch like me." Jay looked at her seriously and kissed her head. "Hey, you are not stupid, you listen to me," Jay said as he looked at her seriously, "you needs clothes and you are my little girl now and I want to spoil you rotten." Rachel looked at him seriously and nodded her head.

"Everything was gone, the tree, the presents all smashed up, Dad made sure of that, any money we got from aunties and uncles, all drank away," Ruth said as she looked at him coldly, "he punched me, I am a stupid bitch he yelled, I should of kept my gob shut." Ruth sat down opposite him and looked at him sadly. "I was five years old, and my life was never the same again, I hate Christmas, I hate birthdays, I used to love them, used to look forward to it, why didn't mum take me and Toby, see Jonathon was like Dad, mean and cold, Toby and I, we were like twins, I hate her, I HATE HER, she just left, then it was me, Toby, Jonathon and Dad, then the hell started," Ruth whispered as she wiped a stray tear away, "no more happy Ruth, no more childhood, just abuse, anger, saddness and God damn disappointment."

After two hours of shopping Jay and Rachel sat in McDonalds exhasuted and Jay let out a big sigh as he polished off his Big Mac. "I am exhausted," Jay said as he smiled at Rachel as she played with her Happy meal toy. "Thank you," Rachel said as she smiled at him. "No worries princess, anything for you now, I don't want you to want for anything," Jay said as he looked at her seriously, "how about we go and meet your new family?" Rachel looked at him scared. "Don't worry, there lovely, Nan will probably knit you some ghastly jumper though so be warned," Jay said as he picked her up, "lets go trouble."

"I was beaten up, burnt," Ruth said as she took her top off and showed him her scars all over her chest, her stomach, her upper arms, "My dad and my brother poured boiling water over me from a kettle because I wouldn't make them their dinner, I was 13 years old, I cried in pain and they walked off and left me, you tell me on a scale of one to ten how that felt?" Andrew looked at her and then at his papers. "I would say you feel angry, let down, betrayed?" Andrew said as he looked at her seriously. "I feel angry, I feel disgusted and I am full of contempt for my family," Ruth said as she looked at him with anger and venom in her eyes. "Well done Ruth, that was a great session," Andrew said as he looked at her seriously. "Wasn't it?" she said sarcastically as she stared into space and sighed, "Can you go now please?"

Ruth paced up and down her room slowly as she slowly looked at her Coca Cola truck on the side by her bed she picked it up and threw it at the wall. "Holiday's aren't coming," she yelled loudly, "stupid bloody truck." She sunk down the wall sobbing her heart out years of emotion falling from her eyes. As this was happening Jay was walking up his path with Rachel to meet his family.


	31. Chapter 31

"Nan," Jay said as he opened the door to his house and smiled at Rachel lovingly, "Nan, I've bought someone to see you." A little old lady walked out with flour on her hands and smiled at Jay. "Jamshid, where have you been these last few nights, I've been worried sick about you," Maryam said as she looked at him serously. "I've been at work, well at Gramps and Maggies, and last night I was at the hospital Nan," Jay said as he looked at her seriously, "I've met this girl Nan, this beautiful girl."

Ruth picked up the truck and looked at it tears falling down her face. "I didn't mean to mum," Ruth said as she picked up the broken door and sighed, "I have now just ruined your last Christmas present you bought me, Ruth Winters messes up again." Charlie walked in and looked at her as he pulled out a whispa. "A Coffee and a chocolate in the canteen?" Charlie asked as he looked at her seriously, "we could have a chat."

"Another one night stand Jamshid you mean?" Maryam said as she looked at him seriously, "you don't do relationships." Jay sighed at her. "Nan, I would like you to meet Rachel, my daughter," Jay said as he squeezed Rachels hand. "Jamshid, what the hell are you talking about? Daughter? With who?" Maryam asked as he sat down in shock. "Nan can we talk about this later, trust me alright," Jay said as he took Rachels coat and looked at her, "Sit down Rachy, I'll get you a hot chocolate." Maryam looked at the little girl and then at Jay. "She doesn't look like you," Maryam said as she looked at him seriously. "That's because he is adopting me," Rachel said as she looked at the old lady seriously, "he loves my auntie."

"I'll fix it for you," Charlie said as he passed her the coffee and looked at her, "I'm a dab hand at DIY you know." Ruth smiled at him and nodded. "Thanks," she whispered as she sipped the coffee slowly and smiled, "I've missed coffee." Charlie smiled at her and nodded. "I noticed, on your first day you had about five cups," he said chuckling to himself. Ruth let out a smile. "Coffee keeps me awake and focused, no matter how bad things get, a coffee always makes you feel warm inside," Ruth said as he looked at him seriously, "it keeps you awake too." Charlie smiled at her. "How was today?" Charlie asked her as he looked at her with such concern.

Jay came out with hot drinks and put them down on the table. "Nan," Jay said as he looked at her seriously. "Jamshid," Nan said as she looked at him seriously, "you have some explaining to do." Jay looked at her and smiled. "Nan, this is Rachel, she is 6 years old," Jay said as he looked at Rachel and smiled, "she is scared stiff of her real dad, he is a nasty piece of work, he broke her arm, look at her Nan." Maryam smiled at the little girl. "You can call me Nan," Maryam said as she looked at her, "God we need to fatten you up, you want a mince Pie, Jay don't just stand there, get Rachel a mince pie and some ice cream." Jay smiled at his Nan and mouthed thanks to her.

"I hate it here Charlie," Ruth said as she sighed at him, "all they want me to do is talk about my feelings and my life, how can I give my feelings marks out of ten." Charlie looked at her and laughed. "Ohh the feeling sheets?" Charlie asked as he smiled at her, "I take it you don't approve." Ruth chuckled as she looked at him. "No I don't how can you mark things out of ten, I mean come on, how can I mark the abuse I suffered out of ten, what a load of crap," Ruth said as she frowned at him, "I feel worse after talking to him, I mean what good is it going to do talking about it, I broke my truck bringing back up the anger."

"Thank you Daddy," Rachel said as she woofed down her third mince pice and ice cream, "thank you Nan." Nan looked at him and then at Rachel as they watched her from a distance. "Her mum died of a heroin overdose, beaten up and bruised, her Dad did it to her and broke her arm, I swear to God Nan if I could get my hands on him, I would inflict the same onto him, I know its a lot to take on Nan but I can do it, Ruth is amazing Nan," Jay said as he smiled at her, "You really like her." Maryam squeezed his arm. "Just make sure its what you want, you can't walk out on a kid if you don't like it," Maryam said as she looked at him seriously, "its a commitment for life."

"I just wish Charlie I didn't have a messed up family," Ruth said suddenly as she looked at him, she felt at ease with the older man, "I look around and I see everyone else has a loving and caring family, people who love them unconditionally, no matter what they do, I just want one slice of that cake, one slice of that family, but then I think I don't because who could love me, look at me Charlie, I'm cold, I'm a bitch, I have no friends, no family, except Toby, I hate Christmas, I hate birthdays, I'm miserable, who would want me?" Charlie looked at her and smiled. "Maggie and I," Charlie said seriously as he put his hand on hers, "Maggie and I will be your family, we will support you through everything, its a scary place where you are, you have to do things you have never done before and that's let people in, but we will be here for you, Maggie, myself and Jay will help you." Ruth looked at him and nodded her head. "Thank you," she whispered as she looked away from him as tears filled her eyes.

"Nan, I know that," Jay said as he looked at her seriously, "at first Ruth was going to be like the other girls, one night, I even took a bet on her, but she didn't fall for me, it was safe to say, she didn't like me, then I got to know her brother, and the awful upbringing she had and I fell for her, hook line and sinker, Nan she has had a breakdown and I need to help her, isn't that what you do when your in love?" Nan nodded her head. "Well I'll make up her bedroom," Nan said as she kissed his head, "don't let her down like her own family did and like your mum and dad did."

"Jay and I are going to adopt Rachel," Ruth said as she turned around and looked at Charlie, "I want to give her everything I couldn't." Charlie looked at her seriously. "Can you cope Ruth, its a lot to take on, your still in a learning process in how to deal with your bi polar," Charlie said as he looked at her seriously. "I know, I know," Ruth said as she looked at him, "but I can't let her down, not like my parents did to me, I don't want my niece to turn into a druggie like my brother did, what hope has she got apart from me and Jay, her mums dead, my brother is a junkie bank robber who murdered someone, I can't let her grow up with him, I don't want her to go through the abuse I suffered and turn out like me, messed up." Charlie took her hand. "We will help you, we will help you with raising her with Jay until you are completely better." Ruth nodded. "Thank you," she whispered as she looked at Charlie, "could I possibly have another coffee."

"Happy birthday," Maggie said as she walked into the canteen and saw Ruth and Charlie sitting there in content silence drinking coffee and sharing a chocolate cake. "Thanks," Ruth said as she looked at her sadly, "I don't really do birthdays." Maggie kissed her head gently and smiled. "Today will be different from any other birthday," Maggie whispered as she took a bit of cake and smiled at Charlie. "Oi you," Charlie said as he playfully slapped her arm. Ruth looked at them and smiled. "You guys give me hope you know," Ruth said suddenly as she looked at them, "thank you for this, you don't have too you don't know me."

Jay and Rachel walked in with shopping bags galore and looked at Ruth and smiled at her as she ate her cake and smiled at Maggie and Charlie. "Happy Birthday gorgeous," Jay whispered in her ear and kissed her head, "You should of told me it was your birthday." Ruth looked at him and sighed. "I hate birthdays," she said coldly as she stood up suddenly and looked at them, "thanks for today guys."


	32. Chapter 32

"Chinese?" Toby said as he came into Ruth's room with enough take away to feed an army. "My favourite," Ruth said as she looked at him and smiled, "you shouldn't have though." Toby looked at her and laughed. "Ruth, its your birthday of course I am going to," Toby said as he looked at her seriously, "right then whose hungry." Jay looked at him. "Pass it over here, my stomach is rumbling," Jay said as he took the bag off Toby, "hope you got duck and pancakes." Toby looked at him and laughed. "Of course," Toby said laughing as he passed Ruth her favourite spare ribs and duck and pancakes. "Thanks," she whispered as she looked at him.

"You OK," Charlie asked Ruth as he finished up his last spare rib. Ruth nodded at him and then looked at him. "I'm just not good in situations like this," Ruth whispered to him, "I mean its nice of Toby, but he knows I hate birthdays." Charlie looked at her and took her hand gently. "I know, but we want you to realise what birthdays should be about, being thankful your here, and how much people love you and are glad you were born," Charlie said as he kissed the top of her head, "take it slow and day by day." Ruth nodded. "Thanks Charlie," Ruth said as she smiled at him.

"This is from me," Toby said as she looked at her and smiled as he passed her a purple gift bag. "Thanks," Ruth said as she took it and looked at him as she undid the bag and then the box and she did the biggest smile as she saw what it was. "A Stethescope," Ruth exclaimed as she looked at him, "a red shiny one, I always wanted one of these Toby, this must of cost you a fortune." Toby looked at her and smiled. "Ruth, your worth it," Toby said as he smiled at her and put the stethescope around her neck, "suits you." Ruth looked at him and smiled. "I might never be a doctor," Ruth said as she looked at him sadly, "I've had a breakdown, who would want me to treat them?" Maggie looked at her and smiled. "You will be the most amazing doctor," Maggie said as she smiled at her, "I ain't going to get rid of you, and its my decision who stays and who goes."

"This is from me and Charlie," Maggie said as she handed her a bag with Tatty Ted on it. "Thank you, you didn't have too," Ruth said as she took it and opened it and saw a brand new Coca-cola truck and some text books she had mentioned she had wanted when she first joined the ED. "Its fixed," Ruth said as she did a huge smile at Maggie and Charlie, "Oh my God you fixed it Charlie." Charlie smiled at her and nodded. "I knew it was special to you," Charlie said as he smiled at her, "you keep it safe." Ruth put it on the bedside cabinet and smiled. "Thanks for the books, I can actually keep myself occupied now," Ruth said as she flicked through them and smiled at her, "this place is so boring when you guys go." Maggie laughed at her as she kissed her head. "Just don't do too much OK?" Maggie said as she looked at her seriously.

"This is from me mummy," Rachel said as she handed her her present neatly wrapped in Peppa Pig paper. "Oh thank you," Ruth said as she smiled at her and started to enjoy herself, "you shouldn't of though." Rachel looked at her and smiled. "I did, mummy needs to have the best birthday ever," Rachel said as she kissed her, "open it mummy." Ruth smiled at her and kissed her head. "It is the best birthday I have ever had," she said as she opened the present and smiled as she saw the most beautiful necklace she had ever seen, a silver chain with a cut out heart around it. Ruth burst into tears as she held it tightly.

"Mummy, what's wrong, don't you like it?" Rachel asked worriedly as she looked at her. "No, I love it," Ruth said as he looked at her and hugged her, "I have never been given anything as beautiful in my whole life." Rachel smiled at her and then at Jay. "Daddy helped me pick it," Rachel said as she hugged her tightly, "you should put it on." Ruth was just about to put it on when Jay took it from her gently and put it on her and kissed her neck. "Jay its beautiful," Ruth whispred as she looked at him. "Rachel chose it, and its beautiful like you," Jay whispered as he hugged her tightly.

Jay handed her a huge bag and looked at her. "This is from me, now everyone likes lots of little presents right, more to open," Jay said as he looked at her cheekily. Ruth couldn't help but laugh as she looked at him. "I wouldn't know, I've never had this many presents before," she said as she looked at him. "Well now we are your family," Maggie said as she took her hand and smiled at her. "Thank you," Ruth whispered as tears brimmed again with tears.

She opened the first present up slowly and saw a diary, a bright red shiny diary with a gold lock on. "For you to write your thoughts down instead of saying them, I know its hard for you to talk," Jay said as he looked at her, "I thought it would be easier for you." Ruth looked at him and smiled. "Thank you," she whispered as she put it in the chest of drawers and took out the next present. She opened it and looked in amazement and joy as she saw the cutest teddy bear ever. "Jay, I'm not five," Ruth said laughing as she looked at it. "It's cute," Jay said as he looked at her seriously, "and I remembered the teddy you threw away and I thought you could do with a new one." Ruth smiled at him thinking how amazing he was that he remembered her old tatty teddy that she threw away. Ruth put it on the bed and smiled at him.

"Thank you guys," Ruth said as she looked at them all and smiled, "you didn't have too." Maggie looked at her. "We wanted too," Maggie said as she looked at her seriously. "I know," Ruth said as she looked at the nurse who came in and put down her slepeing tablet. "I hate this place," Ruth said suddenly as she looked at the nurse, "I can take the tablet without you coming in and reminding me, I am a Dr you know." The nurse looked at her. "Ruth," Charlie said gently as he looked at her, "I'll talk to Andrew and see if they can get them to back off, its just." Ruth looked at him and nodded. "I know, they think I will top myself," Ruth said as she looked at them sadly and took her tablet and gave it back to the nurse and got into bed before she could even say anything.

"Goodnight mummy," Rachel said as she kissed her head gently, "I love you sleep tight." Ruth kissed her back. "You be good for Maggie and Charlie, OK?" Ruth asked as she yawned loudly as the tablets took affect on her. "I am staying at my Nan's house," Rachel said as she looked at Jay proudly. "Nan..."Ruth said as she looked at her confused. "Don't worry," Jay said as he stroked her hair gently, "go to sleep I'll see you tomorrow gorgeous."


	33. Chapter 33

"Goodmorning Nan," Jay said as he walked down and looked at his nan seriously as she made them all breakfast. "Morning," Maryam said as she looked at him seriously, "did Ruth have a good birthday?" Jay looked at her and smiled. "Oh yes, my present off course was the best." Nan looked at him and chuckled. "Birthdays aren't competitions on who gets the best present Jamshid," Nan said as she looked at him seriously, "its all about the persons day and how it made there family complete." Jay looked at her and laughed. "Nan, Ruth doesn't have that," Jay said as he looked at her seriously. "Why don't you tell your Nan about this special girl," Maryam said as she sat down and looked at him.

"Morning," Charlie said as he looked at Ruth and smiled at her. "Morning," she said as she looked at him and yawned. Charlie took out a water from his bag and gave it to her. "I've spoken to Andrew and he said you can take your tablets by yourself," Charlie said as he looked at her seriously, "if you have one of us with you." Ruth sighed and nodded. "Thanks Charlie, where is Rachel?" Ruth asked as she looked around. "She stayed at Jay's house last night," Charlie said as he looked at her. "What?" Ruth asked as she spun around and looked at him.

"She is beautiful Nan, but not in a tarty way," Jay said as he looked at her seriously. "Not your usual girl you go for, normally have a look of prostituion in them," Maryam said as she looked at him, "some of the girls that leave my house look like a walking sex disease Jamshid." Jay looked at her shocked. "NAN!" Jay exclaimed as he looked at her shocked and embarressed. "She doesn't wear make up, she is scared and vulnerable, I just want to protect her, she is just perfect Nan in every single way," Jay said as he looked at her seriously, "she was abused Nan as a child, hit and punched and Nan I just wish I could take away her pain."

"Calm down," Charlie said as he stroked Ruth's arms gently, "Jay is taking this father thing responsibily, he wants to show her off to his family because he is proud of her." Ruth looked at him and nodded. "I know," Ruth whispered as she looked at him, "but what must they think? I trapped him, I'm this nutty girl with some messed up family and I am trapping him into this." Charlie looked at him and smiled. "No they will think he has fallen in love with you and wants to do this himself," Charlie said as he looked at her seriously. "Charlie, can you take me somewhere please," Ruth said as she looked at him seriously, "I know its not allowed its just I need to do this."

"Daddy," Rachel said as she ran down the stairs quickly, "daddy where are you?" Jay looked at his Nan and smiled at her. "I am here poppet," Jay said as he poked his head through the kitchen door and looked at her, "you OK?" Rachel nodded her head as Maryam and put down a bowl in front of her. "Coco pops ok with you?" Maryam asked as she got out the milk from the fridge. "Thanks Nan," Rachel said as she looked up at her excitedly, "I'm only allowed them on my birthday normally." Maryam looked up at her and laughed. "Your daddy eats them everyday, he is still a kid at heart you know," Maryam said laughing, "Jamshid don't just stand there, get her a drink." Jay saluted her as he winked at Rachel. "Juice alright with you poppet?" Jay asked as he looked at her and smiled, "then we can go out for some Christmas shopping and get the tree and then go and see Ruth, how does that sound?"

"You OK?" Charlie asked as he looked at Ruth as they stood outside Jay's house and sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine, how do I look Charlie? How does my face look?" Ruth asked as she looked at him worriedly, "Do I look respectable and OK?" Charlie took her hand and smiled at her. "You look fine, don't worry." Ruth rang the doorbell and started to shake as fear came over her.

"Bet your sister has forgotten her key again Jamshid," Maryam said as she looked at him seriously as she got up and and ruffled Rachels hair lovingly, "coming." Maryam opened the door and looked at her. Ruth went to open her mouth but couldn't speak as she started to shake uncontrollably. "Hello you must be Jay's Nan," Charlie said as he took over from Ruth and grabbed her hand tightly as Ruth still shook. "Gramps," Jay said as he looked at him shocked, "Ruth! What you doing here? Are you OK? What's happened? Come in." Ruth took a deep breath and looked at Charlie and nodded. Ruth walked in slowly and looked around as she started to shake.


End file.
